This is a post from an old blog I had before I switched to Blogger.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Happy New Year
Current mood: optimistic
I don't like making resolutions because a week later you break them and rarely have guilt about it. So I'm NOT making any resolutions. I am setting a few long term and attainable goals. 1) I wanna see my net pham come back even stronger than when we first started. Gotta get ClubXL back to being the BEST. 2) I wanna get back into the gym. I am losing the weight but I still feel like a gelatinous blob. I need some muscle tone going on (I will NOT be the Fat Elvis) 3) I am going to finish a working draft of "Seeing Things" whether or not I am in school for the first semester. 4) I need to be a more proactive Dad. Nuff said on that. 5) FINALIZE the divorce 6) Find my place in wrestling and stay within it. 7) Gonna see about what I can do about the PO. I love my job and I want to stay there. Just maybe not as a carrier. Best of all I am gonna follow my own advice. I am going to relearn love. Thinking what it is and knowing what it is are two totally different things. Love works on a myriad of levels. and Loving God, yourself and each other is a serious mission and one we all need to take on. Well enough rambling for the day.. Talk to you tomorrow
One Love,
R.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Good Morning..
1 Corinthians 15:19-22
If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be
pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised
from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen
asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection
of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all
die, so in Christ all will be made alive.
If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be
pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised
from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen
asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection
of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all
die, so in Christ all will be made alive.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Simon
Simon is this kid that comes into the bar. And for some reason, despite myself, I really like the kid. Last night, for the umpteenth time I had to toss him because he was really drunk and losing at pool. When he loses at pool, he fights or at least tries. I swear, he's 4'11" if he's an inch. These Penn kids were there. One dude was a total dick. He was really condescending and nasty. He felt like he owed no one any respect because of his financial status I wanted to kick his ass myself. But because of the rules, I had to remove Simon, because he intiated. I felt really bad because after I walked him out, the Penn kids were looking out of the window, pointing and laughing. He started crying. It hurt me to put him in that position. I felt like I was looking at myself in grade school. Maybe that's why I like him so much.
R.
R.
Friday, January 28, 2005
The Way You Like It
"The Way You Like It"
Adema
I'll get inside you
I'll get inside you
Don't live with shame, 'cause feelings change but fame remains
The reason why your gonna wanna take me home tonight
It's all the same up in this game, the people change
And money claims everyone from everything
I can't believe that you would think that shit of me
I was amazed at the torment that you put me through
If you can see right through the greed and all your needs
You realize that you were just about as bad as me
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
My life has changed but fuck the fame, I'll stay the same
You can't complain when you can pay the bills and do your thing
Appreciate, don't player hate, congratulate
I miss the pain and the torment that you put me through
(I'll get inside you)
So what's to fear when everything is crystal clear
You realize that you should do the things you wanna do
Don't give in to what people say, don't be ashamed
To separate the feelings on your mind you can't sedate
(I'll get inside you)
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
You would always say I'd never be shit
They would always say I'd never be shit
But look at me now, look at me now
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
The way you like it
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
(I'll get inside you)
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(The way you like it)
Adema
I'll get inside you
I'll get inside you
Don't live with shame, 'cause feelings change but fame remains
The reason why your gonna wanna take me home tonight
It's all the same up in this game, the people change
And money claims everyone from everything
I can't believe that you would think that shit of me
I was amazed at the torment that you put me through
If you can see right through the greed and all your needs
You realize that you were just about as bad as me
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
My life has changed but fuck the fame, I'll stay the same
You can't complain when you can pay the bills and do your thing
Appreciate, don't player hate, congratulate
I miss the pain and the torment that you put me through
(I'll get inside you)
So what's to fear when everything is crystal clear
You realize that you should do the things you wanna do
Don't give in to what people say, don't be ashamed
To separate the feelings on your mind you can't sedate
(I'll get inside you)
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
You would always say I'd never be shit
They would always say I'd never be shit
But look at me now, look at me now
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
The way you like it
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
(I'll get inside you)
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(The way you like it)
Good Afternoon
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world,
yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange
for his soul?
Matthew 16:26
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Hateration...
I've never understood the whole concept of "playa hating". Especially past the age of 21. I mean, sure, when you're a kid it's only natural to envy someone for something that they have. Some skill that they possess. The star basketball player. The rich kid with the new car. But after you reach a certain age you're supposed to dispense with that nonsense. Alas, in this day and age, there are GROWN ASS MEN who still hate on other grown men. I think there is a fine line between jealousy and hateration. I mean like hairline fine. It's like hateration is jealousy's bastard cousin. A closer descendant to envy. I'm not the vain type. I don't think I am anything special that anyone would want to hate on me. I have an ok job. I got two wonderful boys. I have a normal life. I don't make a habit of telling untruths or spreading slander. I do enjoy a good laugh. And if something strikes me funny and I hear it repeated, damn straight I'm gonna laugh. I am a bit demonstrative, too. So, yeah, I'll imitate the behavior and laugh about that as well. But what I am not is a fake and a liar and what I am is 100% real at all times. SO, if you can't deal with me because I am those things, tough shit!! I don't have time for the 5th grade games and bullshit. Maybe the fault lies within you,(and I'm sure you're reading this and yes I am talking to YOU!) You claim to be something you're not. You can't stand up tall and be a man and accept your own shortcomings. MAN UP. I don't need or want anything you have ( and given the opportunity, what you have would jump at the chance to have me). In fact, you, truthfully, want what I have. Sorry, pal. No dice. It'll never happen. I can't waste anymore space on you. I'll become just like you. Lonely. Bitter. Jealous. Envious. Hateful. A HATER..
"Harder To Breathe"
"Harder To Breathe"
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to what I've said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to what I've said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe
Good Morning
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they
will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass
away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they
will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass
away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Monday, January 24, 2005
Superman Complex
I was doing some cleaning and I came across an original handwritten draft of one of my favorite poems. I normally write erotica, but I was going through something when I wrote this. I'd actually lost the original and jotted what I thought was the complete poem from memory. Since finding it, I think the omission of two or three lines has made it an entirely different poem. Post and tell me what you think.
SUPERMAN COMPLEX (short version)Cast down from the heavens, like bright Lucifer fallen.
Smoldering,ashen, interstellar orphan.
Last son of my own.
Savior unwantedin a world unforgiving.
Everything to everyone, yet nothing to myself.
Omnipotent yet powerless to turn even the most stubborn heart.
I love this world yet,I hate myself.
Save yourself for I can no longer.
I can't be everything to you and nothing to myself.
No one wants a hero... just a scapegoat.
Stop the ride, I want off.
But I can't because even Superman's not supposed to to be able to feel.
But I'm not Superman.
But I am.........
SUPERMAN COMPLEX(original)Cast down from the heavens, like bright Lucifer fallen.
Smoldering,ashen, interstellar orphan.
Last son of my own.
Savior unwantedin a world unforgiving.
Everything to everyone, yet nothing to myself.
Omnipotent yet powerless to turn even the most stubborn heart.
Save yourself for I can no longer.
I can't be everything to you and nothing to myself.
No one wants a hero... just a scapegoat.
Blame me, Blame You.
I feel the wrath of 10 million screaming souls because,
I can’t be everywhere at onceand nowhere at anytime
I love this world yet,I hate myself.
Stop the ride, I want off.But I can't because even Superman can’t feel.
But I'm not Superman.
But I am.........
Writer's Block
Being creative is a blessing. But sometimes it's an even bigger source of frustratation. I have been able to write short stories in the past. I used to get an idea and BOOM!! I was on fire with it. I'd fly through until I was done. I think I've become to much of a perfectionist. My professor told me once, writing is rewriting. I'm so anxious to get it right the first time. I want to be a success and I think we all do. But at what price really? Mozart's desire for success drove him to an early grave. Nah, not the kid. Won't happen to me. I want to get it right. There's no doubt about it. But I can't be as driven as Hemmingway. I mean he took his own life after creating his masterpiece. I guess I just need to focus and not sweat the little things so much..
Anywho,
Back to the story..
ONE
R.
Anywho,
Back to the story..
ONE
R.
1/24
I've finally begun this journey. 3 days after my birthday too. Not bad. I'm not gonna promise it's always gonna be thoughtful or insightful. I'm just gonna say what I'm feeling. I hope you understand and you just feel me on what I'm saying from time to time. So bear with me and enjoy the ride.
R.
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