(Copy and paste your own answers on your page. Let your friends know how you really were..)Swiped from my good friend, Shannon Hunter
1. My Grades were?
Not nearly as good as they should have been
2. What high school did you go to?
Bodine High School for International Affairs ('83-'85) Parkway Program Alpha('85- '87)
3. What year did you graduate?
1987 from Parkway.
4. What were your favorite band(s) or artist(s)
Motley Crue. U2. Cinderella. Bon Jovi. Twisted Sister. Ozzy. Bruce Hornsby & The Range. The Hooters and Whitesnake.
5. What was your favorite outfit?
I had these black jeans from the Lee Factory. White Adidas with black stripes. I think I had a black Cinderella/Bon Jovi tour t shirt. My Tony Alva skateboard
6. What was up with your hair?
Kept it low and tight with a part. (Didn't get crazy til I went away to school)
7. Who were your best friend(s)?
Eric, Mike, Donna, Ana, Deirdre, Hector, Allen, Luanna, Elaine, Robert, Tiamoya, Tanya, Tracey AJ, Tony, Mike, Keisha & Kia(the twins), James and Little James
8. What did you do after School?
Hung out. Worked
9. Where did you work?
The Place At 4th & Race(deliveries) Family Dollar
10. Did you take the bus?
EVERYWHERE
11. Who did you have a crush on?
Every girl I couldn't have.
12. Who did you date?
Roberta Guest.
13. Did you fight with your parents?
Me and my dad didn't speak
14. Did you ever get detention?
Nah. Geeks don't get detention
15. Favorite Subject?
English. Creative Writing.
16. Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
My goodness. The girl that played Dusty on FAME.
17. Did you smoke cigarettes?
Until I found out they could cause me to die.( actually my father said stop smoking before I kill you)
18. Did you lug all of your books around with you?
At Parkway. We didn't have lockers.
19. Best event ever?
The Christmas Talent show. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Rally and of course Live Aid
20. Did you have a clique?
Do geeks have cliques?
21. Where was your Senior Prom at?
University City Sheraton PalmAire Ballroom
22. Did you have a Max like "Saved by the Bell"?
Yeah Lite Bite and Roy Rogers on 9th Street
23. Admit it, were you popular?
I was liked..
24. Who did you want to be just like?
I dunno
25. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A rocker.. and a writer
26. Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?
Definitely settled and writing for a living
27. What was the color of your yearbook?
Scarlet, Silver and White
28. What were the colors of your school?
Scarlet, Silver and White
29. What was your school mascot?
The Hoyas
30. Did you have a teacher that you thought was hot?
I took French classes at Southern on Saturdays. My french teacher wasn't much older than we were. She was a BBW definitely. She was sexy, almost slutty. I was feeling her. Also my 8th grade latin teacher, Ms. Deitch. She was hotsexyslutty, too.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
What It Takes (cause I'm blue)
There goes my old girlfriend, there's another diamond ring
And, uh, all those late night promises I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story? Did you find another man?
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made?
When you don't look back I guess the feelings start to fade away.
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat, yeah
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was
good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.
Yeah
Girl, before I met you I was F.I.N.E. Fine
but your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money, then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep with the devil in your eyes
Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dyin' when you're cryin' for me
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was
good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
No no no no 'cause I don't wanna burn in paradise
Ooo Let go, let go, let go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
I don't wanna burn, I don't wanna burn
And, uh, all those late night promises I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story? Did you find another man?
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made?
When you don't look back I guess the feelings start to fade away.
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat, yeah
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was
good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.
Yeah
Girl, before I met you I was F.I.N.E. Fine
but your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money, then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep with the devil in your eyes
Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dyin' when you're cryin' for me
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was
good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
No no no no 'cause I don't wanna burn in paradise
Ooo Let go, let go, let go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
I don't wanna burn, I don't wanna burn
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Just Felt Like This Today..
...Infinite Sadness
" I see her sitting next to the window in the bedroom.She breaks down, crying over something and staring into nothing . She's afraid now, hate now, wanting, needing, haunting,its killing me .. Faking whats happening to live the life like that man. Will you love me tomorrow? Will you stay with me today ?? Running out of reason to fight the way she's feeling , shaken, mistaken, forsaken. It' s killing me. Wishing she could change but she's always been the same. If you leave now I'll drown...."
" I see her sitting next to the window in the bedroom.She breaks down, crying over something and staring into nothing . She's afraid now, hate now, wanting, needing, haunting,its killing me .. Faking whats happening to live the life like that man. Will you love me tomorrow? Will you stay with me today ?? Running out of reason to fight the way she's feeling , shaken, mistaken, forsaken. It' s killing me. Wishing she could change but she's always been the same. If you leave now I'll drown...."
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Famous Last Words
Billy Joel (it's been real, I'm done for now)
Sitting here in Avalon, looking at the pouring rain
Summertime has come and gone and everybody's home again
Closing down for the season, I found the last of the souvenirs
I can still taste the wedding cake and it's sweet after all these years
These are the last words I have to say
That's why this took so long to write
There will be other words some other day
But that's the story of my life
There's comfort in my coffee cup and apples in the early fall
They're pulling all the moorings up and gathering at the Legion Hall
They swept away all the streamers after the Labor Day parade
Nothing left for a dream now, only one final serenade
And these are the last words I have to say
Before another age goes by
With all those other songs I'll have to play
But that's the story of my life
And it's so clear standing here where I am
Ain't that what justice is for?
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn anymore
Stack the chairs on the table tops
Hang the sheets on the chandeliers
It slows down but it never stops
Ain't it sweet after all these years
And these are the last words I have to say
It's always hard to say goodbye
But now it's time to put this book away
Ain't that the story of my life
Sitting here in Avalon, looking at the pouring rain
Summertime has come and gone and everybody's home again
Closing down for the season, I found the last of the souvenirs
I can still taste the wedding cake and it's sweet after all these years
These are the last words I have to say
That's why this took so long to write
There will be other words some other day
But that's the story of my life
There's comfort in my coffee cup and apples in the early fall
They're pulling all the moorings up and gathering at the Legion Hall
They swept away all the streamers after the Labor Day parade
Nothing left for a dream now, only one final serenade
And these are the last words I have to say
Before another age goes by
With all those other songs I'll have to play
But that's the story of my life
And it's so clear standing here where I am
Ain't that what justice is for?
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn anymore
Stack the chairs on the table tops
Hang the sheets on the chandeliers
It slows down but it never stops
Ain't it sweet after all these years
And these are the last words I have to say
It's always hard to say goodbye
But now it's time to put this book away
Ain't that the story of my life
Monday, March 21, 2005
Sometimes..
by Nat King Cole
Sometimes I'm happy
Sometimes I'm blue
My disposition depends on you
I never mind the rain from the skies
As long as I have the sun in your eyes
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I hate you
When I hate you
It's because I love you
That's how I am
So what can I do
I'm happy when I'm with you
Sometimes I'm happy
Sometimes I'm blue
My disposition depends on you
I never mind the rain from the skies
As long as I have the sun in your eyes
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I hate you
When I hate you
It's because I love you
That's how I am
So what can I do
I'm happy when I'm with you
Sometimes I'm happy
Sometimes I'm blue
My disposition depends on you
I never mind the rain from the skies
As long as I have the sun in your eyes
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I hate you
When I hate you
It's because I love you
That's how I am
So what can I do
I'm happy when I'm with you
Sometimes I'm happy
Sometimes I'm blue
My disposition depends on you
I never mind the rain from the skies
As long as I have the sun in your eyes
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I hate you
When I hate you
It's because I love you
That's how I am
So what can I do
I'm happy when I'm with you
Sunday, March 20, 2005
100 Truths... (borrowed)
1. I am a cusped Capricorn/Aquarian and embody traits of both
2. I have an older brother named Anthony who is in prison
3. My biological father died when I was five
4. My stepfather has been my dad for 31 years and I love him for every day of it.
5. My first 15 minutes of fame were over 3 years ago.
6. I hate being wrong and for anyone to disagree with me.
7. I can be the best friend you want to have or your worst enemy.
8. I will walk away to avoid punching the shit out of you.
9. I'm not afraid to use the word "fat".
10. I'm not as strong as people think I am.
11. I don't eat bananas, peaches, pears or some melons.
12. I want to front a new cover band.
13. I can play the bass guitar, badly.
14. I use the term "nigga" way too much.
15. I like to do grocery shopping at 2 am.
16. I snore.
17. All of my natural grandparents have died.
18. I have butt ugly feet and toenails.
19. I hate disappointing anyone.
20. I am claustrophobic and have anxiety attacks when crowded.
21. I don't think I am attractive.
22. I have more ex-girlfriends than I should.
23. I am addicted to caffeine.
24. I learn words to songs very quickly.
25. Chocolate is the easiest way to butter me up.
26. I would rather read the script before I watch the movie.
27. I want to be a male stripper, just once.
28. On Sunday mornings, I like to have sex. I don't know why. I just do.
29. I miss having hair.
30. I start Christmas shopping way too late.
31. I want to fly a plane.
32. I have cheated in every relationship I have ever had .
33. I've been married once, engaged several times. I lied about being married once.
34. I have an amazing memory when it comes to trivia, music and films.
35. I don't like to cry in front of people.
36. I was molested by an older girl twice in my life.
37. I sometimes wish I never lost my virginity.
38. I've broken both ankles,my right hand and ripped both kneecaps. I've been stabbed once(by my ex-fiancee')
39. I am afraid of losing my mother.
40. I can count the number of "friends" on one hand.
41. I've never been on a cruise.
42. I'm afraid of drowning.
43. I like to sleep on the floor.
44. I've never hunted for anything in my life
45. I'm opinionated.
46. I prefer discussion rather than arguing.
47. I sleep naked.
48. I believe that what you give is what you get back .
49. I can't leave the house without my phone, wallet, keys,MP3 player and bag.
50. Scrabble and Monopoly are my favorite games.
51. Taking care of people comes naturally to me.
52. I hate people sometimes.
53. I'm a manwhore.
54. I learn from some of my mistakes.
55. I don't mind surprises.
56. I love God. I just can't get it right any more.
57. I think common sense and common courtesy should be taught in school.
58. I don't want to die
59. I'm really not as cool or as open as I put myself out to be.
60. I'm addicted to the internet.
61. I believe in the power of love
62. First impressions aren't necessarily lasting impressions.
63. It takes me forever to wake up in the morning.
64. I'm an exhibitionist.
65. I like shopping at Forman Mills.
66. I am actually shy
67. I am a sex addict.
68. I have 4 tattoos.
69. Both of my ears are pierced.
70. I hate being told no
71. I have suffered from drug and alcohol addiction.
72. I have had several threesomes.
73. I procrastinate.
74. I write erotica.
75. I love to sing in the car.
76. I believe that knowledge IS power.
77. I want to wrestle in Japan just once.
78. I'm left-handed.
79. All paper money must face the same direction and be folded with the face inside. High bills to the inside.
80. I am friends with several of my exes.
81. I go to Best Buy to relax.
82. It's hard for me to accept compliments.
83. I have lost three children to miscarriages
84. I don't think abortion is a solution.
85. I think women should never rely on a man to feel complete
86. I want to adopt twin Chinese babies. A boy and a girl.
87. I curse like a drunken Irish sailor.
88. I think marriage shouldn't be a goal and should happen only after you've lived together for two years.
89. I have slept with married women and/or someone else's significant other.
90. I think weed should be legalized. I think prostitution shouldn't
91. I believe in soulmates.
92. I've never lived alone for more than 3 months.
93. I have a secret that I am too ashamed to tell.
94. I am an avid reader.
95. I have gone 2 days maximum without sleep.
96. I'm thinking about liposuction on my love handles
97. I have to thank Michelle for my addicition to collecting shot glasses.
98. I despise hatred, ignorance and intolerance.
99. I love dogs .
100. I love recklessly.
2. I have an older brother named Anthony who is in prison
3. My biological father died when I was five
4. My stepfather has been my dad for 31 years and I love him for every day of it.
5. My first 15 minutes of fame were over 3 years ago.
6. I hate being wrong and for anyone to disagree with me.
7. I can be the best friend you want to have or your worst enemy.
8. I will walk away to avoid punching the shit out of you.
9. I'm not afraid to use the word "fat".
10. I'm not as strong as people think I am.
11. I don't eat bananas, peaches, pears or some melons.
12. I want to front a new cover band.
13. I can play the bass guitar, badly.
14. I use the term "nigga" way too much.
15. I like to do grocery shopping at 2 am.
16. I snore.
17. All of my natural grandparents have died.
18. I have butt ugly feet and toenails.
19. I hate disappointing anyone.
20. I am claustrophobic and have anxiety attacks when crowded.
21. I don't think I am attractive.
22. I have more ex-girlfriends than I should.
23. I am addicted to caffeine.
24. I learn words to songs very quickly.
25. Chocolate is the easiest way to butter me up.
26. I would rather read the script before I watch the movie.
27. I want to be a male stripper, just once.
28. On Sunday mornings, I like to have sex. I don't know why. I just do.
29. I miss having hair.
30. I start Christmas shopping way too late.
31. I want to fly a plane.
32. I have cheated in every relationship I have ever had .
33. I've been married once, engaged several times. I lied about being married once.
34. I have an amazing memory when it comes to trivia, music and films.
35. I don't like to cry in front of people.
36. I was molested by an older girl twice in my life.
37. I sometimes wish I never lost my virginity.
38. I've broken both ankles,my right hand and ripped both kneecaps. I've been stabbed once(by my ex-fiancee')
39. I am afraid of losing my mother.
40. I can count the number of "friends" on one hand.
41. I've never been on a cruise.
42. I'm afraid of drowning.
43. I like to sleep on the floor.
44. I've never hunted for anything in my life
45. I'm opinionated.
46. I prefer discussion rather than arguing.
47. I sleep naked.
48. I believe that what you give is what you get back .
49. I can't leave the house without my phone, wallet, keys,MP3 player and bag.
50. Scrabble and Monopoly are my favorite games.
51. Taking care of people comes naturally to me.
52. I hate people sometimes.
53. I'm a manwhore.
54. I learn from some of my mistakes.
55. I don't mind surprises.
56. I love God. I just can't get it right any more.
57. I think common sense and common courtesy should be taught in school.
58. I don't want to die
59. I'm really not as cool or as open as I put myself out to be.
60. I'm addicted to the internet.
61. I believe in the power of love
62. First impressions aren't necessarily lasting impressions.
63. It takes me forever to wake up in the morning.
64. I'm an exhibitionist.
65. I like shopping at Forman Mills.
66. I am actually shy
67. I am a sex addict.
68. I have 4 tattoos.
69. Both of my ears are pierced.
70. I hate being told no
71. I have suffered from drug and alcohol addiction.
72. I have had several threesomes.
73. I procrastinate.
74. I write erotica.
75. I love to sing in the car.
76. I believe that knowledge IS power.
77. I want to wrestle in Japan just once.
78. I'm left-handed.
79. All paper money must face the same direction and be folded with the face inside. High bills to the inside.
80. I am friends with several of my exes.
81. I go to Best Buy to relax.
82. It's hard for me to accept compliments.
83. I have lost three children to miscarriages
84. I don't think abortion is a solution.
85. I think women should never rely on a man to feel complete
86. I want to adopt twin Chinese babies. A boy and a girl.
87. I curse like a drunken Irish sailor.
88. I think marriage shouldn't be a goal and should happen only after you've lived together for two years.
89. I have slept with married women and/or someone else's significant other.
90. I think weed should be legalized. I think prostitution shouldn't
91. I believe in soulmates.
92. I've never lived alone for more than 3 months.
93. I have a secret that I am too ashamed to tell.
94. I am an avid reader.
95. I have gone 2 days maximum without sleep.
96. I'm thinking about liposuction on my love handles
97. I have to thank Michelle for my addicition to collecting shot glasses.
98. I despise hatred, ignorance and intolerance.
99. I love dogs .
100. I love recklessly.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
What Type Of Seducer are You?
I am the Ideal Lover Most people have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive on people's broken dreams which become lifelong fantasies. You long for romance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist creating the illusion you require. In a world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitliess seductive power in following the path of the Ideal Lover. Symbol: The Portrait Painter. Under his eye, all of your physical imperfections disappear. He brings out noble qualities in you, frames you in a myth, makes you godlike, immortalises you. For his ability to create such fantasies, he is rewarded with great power. |
What Type of Seducer are You?
created by
polite_society Friday, March 11, 2005
no ordinary love by sade
no ordinary love
(you know it isn't)
i gave you all the love i got
i gave you more than i could give
i gave you love
i gave you all that i have inside
and you took my love
you took my love
didn't i tell you
what i believe
did somebody say that
a love like that won't last
didn't i give you
all that i've got to give baby
i gave you all the love i got
i gave you more than i could give
i gave you love
i gave you all that i have inside
and you took my love
you took my love
i keep crying
i keep trying for you
there's nothing like you and i baby
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
when you came my way
you brightened every day
with your sweet smile
didn't i tell you
what i believe
did somebody say that
a love like that won't last
didn't i give you
all that i've got to give baby
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
i keep crying
i keep trying for you
there's nothing like you and i baby
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
keep trying for you
keep crying for you
keep flying for you
keep flying i'm falling
i'm falling
keep trying for you
keep crying for you
keep flying for you
keep flying i'm falling
i'm falling
(you know it isn't)
i gave you all the love i got
i gave you more than i could give
i gave you love
i gave you all that i have inside
and you took my love
you took my love
didn't i tell you
what i believe
did somebody say that
a love like that won't last
didn't i give you
all that i've got to give baby
i gave you all the love i got
i gave you more than i could give
i gave you love
i gave you all that i have inside
and you took my love
you took my love
i keep crying
i keep trying for you
there's nothing like you and i baby
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
when you came my way
you brightened every day
with your sweet smile
didn't i tell you
what i believe
did somebody say that
a love like that won't last
didn't i give you
all that i've got to give baby
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
i keep crying
i keep trying for you
there's nothing like you and i baby
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
this is no ordinary love
no ordinary love
keep trying for you
keep crying for you
keep flying for you
keep flying i'm falling
i'm falling
keep trying for you
keep crying for you
keep flying for you
keep flying i'm falling
i'm falling
Monday, March 07, 2005
I Hate...
I'm not going to try to make this all sweet and poetic.
That's not my mood right now.
Right now, I just hate.
I hate so many fucking people,
for so many fucking reasons.
I hate people who use one another.
I hate people who lie to one another.
I hate everyone in the wrestling business.
I hate those who call me "brother" and lie to my face.
I hate men who have no dedication.
I hate those who abuse my trust and my friendship.
I hate those who out and outright LIE.
I hate those who abuse my kindness.
I hate those who make me cry.
I don't waste my tears.
They come from my heart being racked with pain.
I hate those who claim to love me and value the words
of others over me.
I know it sounds selfish and foolish.
That's just how I feel.
I just hate right now and it's tearing me apart..
That's not my mood right now.
Right now, I just hate.
I hate so many fucking people,
for so many fucking reasons.
I hate people who use one another.
I hate people who lie to one another.
I hate everyone in the wrestling business.
I hate those who call me "brother" and lie to my face.
I hate men who have no dedication.
I hate those who abuse my trust and my friendship.
I hate those who out and outright LIE.
I hate those who abuse my kindness.
I hate those who make me cry.
I don't waste my tears.
They come from my heart being racked with pain.
I hate those who claim to love me and value the words
of others over me.
I know it sounds selfish and foolish.
That's just how I feel.
I just hate right now and it's tearing me apart..
Friday, March 04, 2005
"Too Much," by David Garza/This Euphoria
You don't have to tell me, I know every reason why
You feel the way you feel, and you cry the way you cry
But baby, can you show me how I fell so far behind
From the bottom of your heart to the back of your mind
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
But it's too late now
'Cause we're all going down, yeah we're all going down
Yeah we're all going down, yeah, we're all going down, yeah
Can't we try to work it out? There's got to be a way
I'll give you all of my tomorrows for one of your yesterdays
I never held you down, I'd never hurt you like that
I never thought we'd get so bad at feeling so bad
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
But it's too late now, 'cause we're all going down
Yeah, we're all going down
You don't have to tell me, I know every reason why
You feel the way you feel and you cry the way you cry
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Yeah, but we ain't going down, we ain't going down
I love you too much, sometimes I love you too much
I love you too much, sometimes I love you too much
Yeah, but I don't don't down, I don't down down
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Yeah but I don't Oooooooooh
You feel the way you feel, and you cry the way you cry
But baby, can you show me how I fell so far behind
From the bottom of your heart to the back of your mind
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
But it's too late now
'Cause we're all going down, yeah we're all going down
Yeah we're all going down, yeah, we're all going down, yeah
Can't we try to work it out? There's got to be a way
I'll give you all of my tomorrows for one of your yesterdays
I never held you down, I'd never hurt you like that
I never thought we'd get so bad at feeling so bad
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
But it's too late now, 'cause we're all going down
Yeah, we're all going down
You don't have to tell me, I know every reason why
You feel the way you feel and you cry the way you cry
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Yeah, but we ain't going down, we ain't going down
I love you too much, sometimes I love you too much
I love you too much, sometimes I love you too much
Yeah, but I don't don't down, I don't down down
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Sometimes I love you too much
Yeah but I don't Oooooooooh
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Tongue Tied (from a long time ago...)
Lookin’ at you from the inside of this internet
I’m in the mood, and my tongue is in the mood
At night we would watch the stars
And she would physically give me each and every one .
I felt like cayenne pepper, red, hot, spicy.
I felt dizzy and so near heaven
and miles between her thighs
Better than love, we made delicious
She me had, had me she
She had me tongue tied
I’m in the mood, and my tongue is in the mood
At night we would watch the stars
And she would physically give me each and every one .
I felt like cayenne pepper, red, hot, spicy.
I felt dizzy and so near heaven
and miles between her thighs
Better than love, we made delicious
She me had, had me she
She had me tongue tied
Saturday, February 26, 2005
REDUX
First off, I don't evem know what happened to my blog post from last night.
It just spilled out of me with all of this raw emotion. I was feeling betrayed. Helpless. I felt like my world was being infiltrated and violated. I may not be perfect. In fact, I know I'm not. But I know what I feel about things
and real is real.
"Don't Tell Me"
Don't tell me to stop
Tell the rain not to drop
Tell the wind not to blow
'Cause you said so, mmm
Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down
Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
But please don't tell me to stop
But don't ever tell me to stop
Madonna
It just spilled out of me with all of this raw emotion. I was feeling betrayed. Helpless. I felt like my world was being infiltrated and violated. I may not be perfect. In fact, I know I'm not. But I know what I feel about things
and real is real.
"Don't Tell Me"
Don't tell me to stop
Tell the rain not to drop
Tell the wind not to blow
'Cause you said so, mmm
Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down
Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
But please don't tell me to stop
But don't ever tell me to stop
Madonna
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Do You Really Know How To Love Her?
It's just a question.
Do you really know how to love her?
How she likes to be held?
What she likes in her eggs?
If she even likes eggs at all.
You know that place that she likes to be touched?
I'm sure you have "magic hands".
I'm sure you know how to "handle yours"..
But..
Do you know what it takes to handle her.
She's gentle and fierce.
So simple and so complex.
It takes so much to deal with that.
Trust me, I know.
It took me so much time to get it right.
Well, maybe I don't have it right at all.
All I know is I know how to love her.
And I do...
Do you really know how to love her?
How she likes to be held?
What she likes in her eggs?
If she even likes eggs at all.
You know that place that she likes to be touched?
I'm sure you have "magic hands".
I'm sure you know how to "handle yours"..
But..
Do you know what it takes to handle her.
She's gentle and fierce.
So simple and so complex.
It takes so much to deal with that.
Trust me, I know.
It took me so much time to get it right.
Well, maybe I don't have it right at all.
All I know is I know how to love her.
And I do...
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Soul Kiss
SOUL KISS
I lay awake. Restless.
Knowing that tonight will be the night.
After all of the seduction, and all of the
silent desiring. Tonight will be the one
we share this first kiss. My room is dark
and silent. The breeze billows under the
curtains. Before long, under the stillness
of the moon, you appear. My heart flutters
and my blood races in anticipation.
I can feel you, watching me. The candle's
flame dances, almost in defiance of the cool
night air filling my room. Suddenly, you are
here, next to my bed. I hear your breath, bated,
panting. You lay beside me. You stroke back
my chestnut locks and caress my cheek and neck.
I gasp and my breath seizes in my chest. The delay
drives me insane. I am overtaken. I was taught to
avoid this. But I want this kiss. I want to feel all
that you feel. Your arid breath dances through the
small hairs of my neck. I feel your left hand stroke
the soft flesh of my now, exposed breast. It's as if
you're trying to feel my heartbeat...and then it happens.
I feel the kiss. I'm terrified and excited all at once.
A jumbled myriad of emotions flood the walls of my mind.
Then I feel you enter me. Pain and pleasure mix. I feel myself
begin to flow and you consume me. I open my mouth to scream,
but no words come out. I feel my being becoming a part of you.
Like I was something you were starved for. Something you have
craved. I feel the hardened muscular structure of your body behind
mine. I cease to struggle and nestle my frame against the curve of yours.
Suddenly I feel empowered and enlightened. My senses are so alive.
I feel the tension leave your muscles as your arms start to cradle my shape.
As the kiss concludes, I turn to see a shimmering, satisfied smile across your lips.
Your eyes, weary. I desired this kiss for so long and it was more than I ever anticipated
I leave you to slumber. Soon I will reciprocate the kiss, but not now. Not at this moment
After all, you gave me this. This hunger. This desiring. This insatiability. This kiss,
After all, you gave me this
I lay awake. Restless.
Knowing that tonight will be the night.
After all of the seduction, and all of the
silent desiring. Tonight will be the one
we share this first kiss. My room is dark
and silent. The breeze billows under the
curtains. Before long, under the stillness
of the moon, you appear. My heart flutters
and my blood races in anticipation.
I can feel you, watching me. The candle's
flame dances, almost in defiance of the cool
night air filling my room. Suddenly, you are
here, next to my bed. I hear your breath, bated,
panting. You lay beside me. You stroke back
my chestnut locks and caress my cheek and neck.
I gasp and my breath seizes in my chest. The delay
drives me insane. I am overtaken. I was taught to
avoid this. But I want this kiss. I want to feel all
that you feel. Your arid breath dances through the
small hairs of my neck. I feel your left hand stroke
the soft flesh of my now, exposed breast. It's as if
you're trying to feel my heartbeat...and then it happens.
I feel the kiss. I'm terrified and excited all at once.
A jumbled myriad of emotions flood the walls of my mind.
Then I feel you enter me. Pain and pleasure mix. I feel myself
begin to flow and you consume me. I open my mouth to scream,
but no words come out. I feel my being becoming a part of you.
Like I was something you were starved for. Something you have
craved. I feel the hardened muscular structure of your body behind
mine. I cease to struggle and nestle my frame against the curve of yours.
Suddenly I feel empowered and enlightened. My senses are so alive.
I feel the tension leave your muscles as your arms start to cradle my shape.
As the kiss concludes, I turn to see a shimmering, satisfied smile across your lips.
Your eyes, weary. I desired this kiss for so long and it was more than I ever anticipated
I leave you to slumber. Soon I will reciprocate the kiss, but not now. Not at this moment
After all, you gave me this. This hunger. This desiring. This insatiability. This kiss,
After all, you gave me this
Stolen..
Time flies..
No time to discuss.
Place and time, whenever, wherever.
Wanna be wherever you are.
Place small lovely kisses,
that precede the obvious.
Passion, fire, intensity.
The flame rises and consumes us both.
Your lips make me smolder.
My hands rush, my fingers roam.
Small, secret place.
Time flies.
It's never enough.
Want to stop time.
Who am I to demand all of yours?
I don't deserve it.
But these moments, stolen
make me wish that I did...
No time to discuss.
Place and time, whenever, wherever.
Wanna be wherever you are.
Place small lovely kisses,
that precede the obvious.
Passion, fire, intensity.
The flame rises and consumes us both.
Your lips make me smolder.
My hands rush, my fingers roam.
Small, secret place.
Time flies.
It's never enough.
Want to stop time.
Who am I to demand all of yours?
I don't deserve it.
But these moments, stolen
make me wish that I did...
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Addictive
I still taste her on my lips.
Sweet, like wet sugar.
I'm careful to catch every drop.
If I lose one, I 'll crave the taste forever.
I'm hooked. I desire her. She's so addictive.
Her taste is delicious.
Like corner store candy.
Gobbling up one after another.
I go insane until I have more.
I'm insatiable. She's what I desire. She's totally addictive.
She calls me her bad habit.
How could something this good be bad at all?
Here is the place that I wanna keep her.
Beside me. High on my shelf. Or is this a pedestal?
No matter. She deserves it. To be praised. Craved and desired.
She's what I long for. What I spend my nights aching for.
She's what I live for. The thing I'm hooked on.
I don't need twelve steps for this one.
She is so damned addictive...
Sweet, like wet sugar.
I'm careful to catch every drop.
If I lose one, I 'll crave the taste forever.
I'm hooked. I desire her. She's so addictive.
Her taste is delicious.
Like corner store candy.
Gobbling up one after another.
I go insane until I have more.
I'm insatiable. She's what I desire. She's totally addictive.
She calls me her bad habit.
How could something this good be bad at all?
Here is the place that I wanna keep her.
Beside me. High on my shelf. Or is this a pedestal?
No matter. She deserves it. To be praised. Craved and desired.
She's what I long for. What I spend my nights aching for.
She's what I live for. The thing I'm hooked on.
I don't need twelve steps for this one.
She is so damned addictive...
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
...Infinite Sadness
" I see her sitting next to the window in the bedroom.She breaks down, crying over something and staring into nothing . She's afraid now, hate now, wanting, needing, haunting,its killing me .. Faking whats happening to live the life like that man. Will you love me tomorrow? Will you stay with me today ?? Running out of reason to fight the way she's feeling , shaken, mistaken, forsaken. It' s killing me. Wishing she could change but she's always been the same. If you leave now I'll drown...."
Thanks Erik...
Sometimes you need to feel a little melancholy...
Thanks Erik...
Sometimes you need to feel a little melancholy...
Monday, February 14, 2005
Happy Valentine's Day
Love is being happy for the other person
when they are happy
being sad for the person
when they are sad
being together in good times
and being together in bad times
Love is the source of strength
Love is
being honest with yourself at all times
being honest with the other person at all times
telling, listening, respecting the truth
and never pretending
Love is the source of reality
Love is
an understanding so complete that
you feel as if you are a part
of the other person
accepting the other person
just the way they are
and not trying to change them
to be something else
Love is the source of unity
Love is
the freedom to pursue your own desires
while sharing your experiences
with the other person
the growth of one individual alongside of
and together with the growth
of another individual
Love is the source of success
Love is
the excitement of planning things together
the excitement of doing things together
Love is the source of the future
Love is
the fury of the storm
the calm in the rainbow
Love is the source of passion
Love is
giving and taking in a daily situation
being patient with each other's
needs and desires
Love is the source of sharing
Love is
knowing that the other person
will always be with you
regardless of what happens
missing the other person when they are away
but remaining near in heart at all times
Love is the source of security
Love is the source of life
Poem by Susan Polis Schutz
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Scarlet Petals (an excerpt)
Just because I'm longing...
....He pressed his body against hers and kissed the back of her neck. She rested her body against his, almost falling into his arms. She reached behind and held his head to her neck. He lifted his head up and kissed her. She put her hands against the wall as he cupped her breasts in his hands. He had no idea just the touch of his fingers on her nipples drove her mad with passion. He moved his hands from her breasts to her hips as he lowered himself to his knees, behind her this time, massaging her back and bottom with his nimble hands. He grabbed her near her waist once more and turned her body around and placed her against the wall. She lowered her arms from the wall. She caressed his ears and head She looked into his eyes as he looked up into hers, knowing what was to come next. As he knelt before her, he raised her left leg over his shoulder. He began to kiss the inside of her thigh. His kisses trailed to her well kept garden. He explored it. Softly at first. Tasting her ever so gently. Nibbling on her sweltering scarlet petals. She moaned softly in delight. No one in so long had touched her like this. She wasn’t sure how she should react. She tried to contain her excitement, but before long the passion overtook her and she became more vocal. She held his head to her flower as he continued to taste her honey.
When she could take no more of him kissing and tasting her vessel, she begged him to give her a moment. She slid her leg from his shoulder. She sank to her knees, partly to face him but mostly to collect her breath. She kissed him and closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She held her hand on his chest and traced the shape of his pectoral muscles. She slid her hand down his stomach and down to his bulging boxer shorts. She began to tug at the seam and slid them off playfully. He laid back on the soft pile carpet. She laid her body down on top of his. . He looked at the flickering pillar candle one more time before closing his eyes as she placed her lips on his. She kissed his lips, neck and chest. She felt his strong arms surround her, making her feel safe. She continued to kiss him on his chest and his stomach until she found her treasure. She took him into her right hand and began to stroke it softly. The left hand soon found it’s way as well. Her strokes became a little more deliberate. She leaned over and kissed the head of his erection. She kissed it again, caressing the shaft with her tongue. She fought her nervousness and put him into her mouth. She began to move her head up and down, kissing and caressing every pulsating inch with her motion and willing mouth. He moaned in ecstasy as she loved him with her mouth. He caressed the side of her face, moving the auburn ringlets from her eyes. She sucked and pulled on him with a renewed urgency. She wanted to please him. Giving him all he wanted. She could feel his climax rising within his shaft and moved her mouth back up his stomach and chest to his succulent lips. “Come on, in here with me.”she whispered. She stood to her feet and led him to his feet by her hands. They walked into her bedroom, where more candles shone on the bed, that laid covered in red and white rose petals. She urged him to stand at her bedside while she crawled in, atop the petals. She beckoned and he followed. She lay across the bed, legs spread apart slightly. He laid atop her, not entering her yet. She kissed him some more and stroked his tool to complete attention. At this action she spread her legs fully and wrapped them around his body. She looked at him, directly in the eyes and said “Now. I want you inside of me now.” He complied. Sliding himself inside of her. Slowly. He wanted to savor this as much as she did. He didn’t want to hurt her, either. This moment was special to both of them. She felt all of him inside of her for the first time. It seemed to hurt at first but at the same time it was the greatest feeling she’d felt in along time. She cried out a little. It wasn’t from any pain, though. She cried because she had been denying herself this for so long. He asked if she was okay and if she wanted him to stop. She only looked up into his eyes, closed hers and kissed him some more. She wrapped her arms around his back and cried out in passion with every thrust. She wanted to stay where she was, with him inside of her, forever. She didn’t want how she felt to end. She felt her eruption building. She wanted him to go faster. Faster. She held her breath and felt herself release, all over and around him. She cried aloud “Yes, yes. Please don’t stop! I need to feel you in me. All of you.” He paused and asked her ”are you sure that’s what you want?” She nodded and kissed him again to confirm what she was feeling. He started moving inside of her again. He moved steadily, with a sense of urgency. He knew what she wanted. He wanted to give her whatever she desired. Even that part of him. She began to tighten around him as he pulsated inside of her. He felt how warm and wet she had become. It was more than he needed to send him over the edge. He held her closer. His lips found her breasts and he kissed them once more for good measure as he felt his desire unleash deep within her. She climaxed once more, covering them both. He experienced a flurry of emotions as he felt his release. It felt wonderful and confusing all at once. He cried out. He collapsed there in her arms. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t want to move from this spot. From this moment. It was perfect. The way she wanted. The way she dreamed. She kissed him once more as they held one another. She caressed the back of his neck as his fingers stroked her chestnut locks. They gazed into one another’s eyes, knowing there wouldn’t be another moment as magical as this one. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. Comforted by the sounds of his beating heart. She knew that this is where she wanted to be and no one or no thing could take that from them.
....He pressed his body against hers and kissed the back of her neck. She rested her body against his, almost falling into his arms. She reached behind and held his head to her neck. He lifted his head up and kissed her. She put her hands against the wall as he cupped her breasts in his hands. He had no idea just the touch of his fingers on her nipples drove her mad with passion. He moved his hands from her breasts to her hips as he lowered himself to his knees, behind her this time, massaging her back and bottom with his nimble hands. He grabbed her near her waist once more and turned her body around and placed her against the wall. She lowered her arms from the wall. She caressed his ears and head She looked into his eyes as he looked up into hers, knowing what was to come next. As he knelt before her, he raised her left leg over his shoulder. He began to kiss the inside of her thigh. His kisses trailed to her well kept garden. He explored it. Softly at first. Tasting her ever so gently. Nibbling on her sweltering scarlet petals. She moaned softly in delight. No one in so long had touched her like this. She wasn’t sure how she should react. She tried to contain her excitement, but before long the passion overtook her and she became more vocal. She held his head to her flower as he continued to taste her honey.
When she could take no more of him kissing and tasting her vessel, she begged him to give her a moment. She slid her leg from his shoulder. She sank to her knees, partly to face him but mostly to collect her breath. She kissed him and closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She held her hand on his chest and traced the shape of his pectoral muscles. She slid her hand down his stomach and down to his bulging boxer shorts. She began to tug at the seam and slid them off playfully. He laid back on the soft pile carpet. She laid her body down on top of his. . He looked at the flickering pillar candle one more time before closing his eyes as she placed her lips on his. She kissed his lips, neck and chest. She felt his strong arms surround her, making her feel safe. She continued to kiss him on his chest and his stomach until she found her treasure. She took him into her right hand and began to stroke it softly. The left hand soon found it’s way as well. Her strokes became a little more deliberate. She leaned over and kissed the head of his erection. She kissed it again, caressing the shaft with her tongue. She fought her nervousness and put him into her mouth. She began to move her head up and down, kissing and caressing every pulsating inch with her motion and willing mouth. He moaned in ecstasy as she loved him with her mouth. He caressed the side of her face, moving the auburn ringlets from her eyes. She sucked and pulled on him with a renewed urgency. She wanted to please him. Giving him all he wanted. She could feel his climax rising within his shaft and moved her mouth back up his stomach and chest to his succulent lips. “Come on, in here with me.”she whispered. She stood to her feet and led him to his feet by her hands. They walked into her bedroom, where more candles shone on the bed, that laid covered in red and white rose petals. She urged him to stand at her bedside while she crawled in, atop the petals. She beckoned and he followed. She lay across the bed, legs spread apart slightly. He laid atop her, not entering her yet. She kissed him some more and stroked his tool to complete attention. At this action she spread her legs fully and wrapped them around his body. She looked at him, directly in the eyes and said “Now. I want you inside of me now.” He complied. Sliding himself inside of her. Slowly. He wanted to savor this as much as she did. He didn’t want to hurt her, either. This moment was special to both of them. She felt all of him inside of her for the first time. It seemed to hurt at first but at the same time it was the greatest feeling she’d felt in along time. She cried out a little. It wasn’t from any pain, though. She cried because she had been denying herself this for so long. He asked if she was okay and if she wanted him to stop. She only looked up into his eyes, closed hers and kissed him some more. She wrapped her arms around his back and cried out in passion with every thrust. She wanted to stay where she was, with him inside of her, forever. She didn’t want how she felt to end. She felt her eruption building. She wanted him to go faster. Faster. She held her breath and felt herself release, all over and around him. She cried aloud “Yes, yes. Please don’t stop! I need to feel you in me. All of you.” He paused and asked her ”are you sure that’s what you want?” She nodded and kissed him again to confirm what she was feeling. He started moving inside of her again. He moved steadily, with a sense of urgency. He knew what she wanted. He wanted to give her whatever she desired. Even that part of him. She began to tighten around him as he pulsated inside of her. He felt how warm and wet she had become. It was more than he needed to send him over the edge. He held her closer. His lips found her breasts and he kissed them once more for good measure as he felt his desire unleash deep within her. She climaxed once more, covering them both. He experienced a flurry of emotions as he felt his release. It felt wonderful and confusing all at once. He cried out. He collapsed there in her arms. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t want to move from this spot. From this moment. It was perfect. The way she wanted. The way she dreamed. She kissed him once more as they held one another. She caressed the back of his neck as his fingers stroked her chestnut locks. They gazed into one another’s eyes, knowing there wouldn’t be another moment as magical as this one. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. Comforted by the sounds of his beating heart. She knew that this is where she wanted to be and no one or no thing could take that from them.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Naked
It's like her words see through me.
They make me feel naked.
I feel them tear through my layers .
Exposing me to truth.
Bare and exposed,
I can give her my all.
She makes me feel naked.
But I'm totally unafraid.
They make me feel naked.
I feel them tear through my layers .
Exposing me to truth.
Bare and exposed,
I can give her my all.
She makes me feel naked.
But I'm totally unafraid.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Does Love Really Mean Having To Say You're Sorry?
"2 these walls I talk
Tellin' 'em what I wasn't strong enough 2 say
2 these walls I talk
Tellin' 'em how I cried the day U went away
How did we ever lose communication?
How did we ever lose each other's sound?
Baby, if U wanna, we can fix the situation
Maybe we can stop the rain from coming down"
In This Bed I Scream - Prince - Emancipation - 1996
Often times, I've wondered why, if situations arise where a friend of yours feels wronged by you, they feel you need to apologize to them even if you've done nothing wrong. There may be a miscommunication or even an expectation that isn't communicated at all. God forbid you miss their expected cue and all of a sudden you are the very worst person in the world. I've had two situations happen to me over the course of this weekend that I simply refuse to apologize for. The second was just stupid and I won't even get into it here. The first situation occured Friday. For the record, I went above and beyond anything I was really supposed to do for this person when everything went down on Friday morning(the situation is rather personal to them and I'd rather not discuss it here). Now, during the course of the day, I have a million things to do ALWAYS. I don't always get the chance to get on the phone like I'd want to. Hell, I don't call my Mother everyday. But this friend expected a phone call, because of the seriousness of this situation. I never really even thought of calling this person because the impression I was given was that they were surrounded by family and at a time like this a call from me may not have been well received just due to the confusion occuring. Little did I know..
I guess I know better now. BUT I'm not angry. Just don't understand it all..
R.
Tellin' 'em what I wasn't strong enough 2 say
2 these walls I talk
Tellin' 'em how I cried the day U went away
How did we ever lose communication?
How did we ever lose each other's sound?
Baby, if U wanna, we can fix the situation
Maybe we can stop the rain from coming down"
In This Bed I Scream - Prince - Emancipation - 1996
Often times, I've wondered why, if situations arise where a friend of yours feels wronged by you, they feel you need to apologize to them even if you've done nothing wrong. There may be a miscommunication or even an expectation that isn't communicated at all. God forbid you miss their expected cue and all of a sudden you are the very worst person in the world. I've had two situations happen to me over the course of this weekend that I simply refuse to apologize for. The second was just stupid and I won't even get into it here. The first situation occured Friday. For the record, I went above and beyond anything I was really supposed to do for this person when everything went down on Friday morning(the situation is rather personal to them and I'd rather not discuss it here). Now, during the course of the day, I have a million things to do ALWAYS. I don't always get the chance to get on the phone like I'd want to. Hell, I don't call my Mother everyday. But this friend expected a phone call, because of the seriousness of this situation. I never really even thought of calling this person because the impression I was given was that they were surrounded by family and at a time like this a call from me may not have been well received just due to the confusion occuring. Little did I know..
I guess I know better now. BUT I'm not angry. Just don't understand it all..
R.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Good Morning (Let Love Rule)
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
1 Peter 4:7-9
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
1 Peter 4:7-9
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Isa 40:31 GO BIRDS!!!
I wonder if they ever mentioned the Patriots in the Bible..
Isa 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.
Isa 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Good Morning
It's funny. After my ramble last night, I open my daily bible verse and this is what it is.. Have a blessed day...
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has
compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are
formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days
are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place
remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his
righteousness with their children's children - with those
who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
Psalm 103:13-18
R.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has
compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are
formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days
are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place
remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his
righteousness with their children's children - with those
who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
Psalm 103:13-18
R.
"Who Do You Love?"
Defining a relationship. It's one of those cliche things that isn't as simple as black and white. A father/son relationship is one of the most tenuous. I have been a dad for 11 years. Have I been a good Dad? I've tried. Have I been the best Dad I could be. No. I don't think I have. I am MAN ENOUGH to admit it. Neither of the relationships that bore my children(yeah, I got two baby mamas)were exactly the healthiest. I met Sabrina when I was 18 and she was 21. I had no idea the ride I'd be in for over the subsequent 17 years. She was the first woman I ever said I loved. She was a LOT of firsts.(yeah, that one too..) She could get anything she wanted from me(and most times she did). I believed in her so blindly. Even I was in school. I wrote her constantly with no reply. I'd call her and if she was home, she'd rebuff me with words of assurance that everything was ok and she loved me as much as I loved her. What a fool I was. After an initial three years ( and coincidentally, after I was home from school permanently) she decided that it was over. We bounced back and forth through a tumultuous series of being "on again, off again." When I was 22 I met and got engaged to a girl named Demetria(because my mother liked her..). Demetria was a sweet girl, but got caught up in the downward spiral of bad relationships that defined my life from 21 to 23. When we ended things, we discovered that we had far less in common than we originally thought and I ended up getting stabbed(well, slashed really.) Nevertheless, I ended up right back in Sabrina's arms. See, the thing is, there were things going on with Sabrina that, in hindsight, I realize were right in front of my face, but in my naivete, I just didn't see them. Sabrina would do inexplicable things. Leave home for several days. Call from strange places and abruptly hang up. I thought she was into drugs or something. Well, I was right. It was something. Regardless, we ended up on again, and the result was, she became pregnant with Hasheen Khalid, my oldest son. I was ecstatic. I was 23, had a good job and my own place and my first love was having my first child. (Someone remind me again, why they're called fairy tales...). Her erratic behavior began again. She moved out of her mother's house and disappeared for three weeks. When se reemerged she'd started talking about aborting my son. I begged her not to. She agreed and went on with the pregnancy. But she kept me at arms lentgh with a string of lies. When my son was finally born. I found out an ugly truth about her that changed our friendship/relationship forever. A week after Hasheen was born, Sabrina came into the hospital(he was born with neonatal pneumonia), took my son and disappeared(subsequently for four years). I was devastated. I spiralled into alcohol and drug abuse. I stopped caring about anything. Along came Catherine. She came into my life when I was totally vulnerable. She was a friend of (my roommate) Kyle's mother. She happened to be around at a critical time, when I needed someone. It was around Christmas time. I'd called Sabrina's mother to see if she'd had any contact with her. She told me that Hasheen was at her house and if I wanted to see him I could come over before Sabrina picked him up. Naturally, I was elated. There was a slight problem. I was at 58th and Arch and she was in East Falls ( my Philly pham knows what I am getting at..) I didn't have a car at the time and there was no way Septa would get me there in time. Catherine happened to be at the house (we'd actually started dating.. sorta) so she agreed to take me to Hasheen's grandmother's so I could see him. That was the biggest thing anyone could have done for me at that time in my life( Remember the downward spiral of drugs and booze? I was involved in an auto accident that shoulda claimed my life. After that I tried to get so high, that I couldn't feel anything anymore. But the higher I got, the straighter I felt. God was calling me back). Well, two weeks after that, we were married. Against everyones wishes and warnings. It worked for two years. In that time Jordan Tyler was born. He's the spitting image of his Daddy. I guess I shoulda made sure she had broken up wth her "ex-boyfriend" before we'd gotten married. I don't regret either of my children. Their mothers and our relationships, well that's up for review. Like I said before I started rambling, I'm not the greatest Dad. But my kids think so. And like I said, I'm trying...
R .
R .
Monday, January 31, 2005
Happy New Year - Relearn Love
This is a post from an old blog I had before I switched to Blogger.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Happy New Year
Current mood: optimistic
I don't like making resolutions because a week later you break them and rarely have guilt about it. So I'm NOT making any resolutions. I am setting a few long term and attainable goals. 1) I wanna see my net pham come back even stronger than when we first started. Gotta get ClubXL back to being the BEST. 2) I wanna get back into the gym. I am losing the weight but I still feel like a gelatinous blob. I need some muscle tone going on (I will NOT be the Fat Elvis) 3) I am going to finish a working draft of "Seeing Things" whether or not I am in school for the first semester. 4) I need to be a more proactive Dad. Nuff said on that. 5) FINALIZE the divorce 6) Find my place in wrestling and stay within it. 7) Gonna see about what I can do about the PO. I love my job and I want to stay there. Just maybe not as a carrier. Best of all I am gonna follow my own advice. I am going to relearn love. Thinking what it is and knowing what it is are two totally different things. Love works on a myriad of levels. and Loving God, yourself and each other is a serious mission and one we all need to take on. Well enough rambling for the day.. Talk to you tomorrow
One Love,
R.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Happy New Year
Current mood: optimistic
I don't like making resolutions because a week later you break them and rarely have guilt about it. So I'm NOT making any resolutions. I am setting a few long term and attainable goals. 1) I wanna see my net pham come back even stronger than when we first started. Gotta get ClubXL back to being the BEST. 2) I wanna get back into the gym. I am losing the weight but I still feel like a gelatinous blob. I need some muscle tone going on (I will NOT be the Fat Elvis) 3) I am going to finish a working draft of "Seeing Things" whether or not I am in school for the first semester. 4) I need to be a more proactive Dad. Nuff said on that. 5) FINALIZE the divorce 6) Find my place in wrestling and stay within it. 7) Gonna see about what I can do about the PO. I love my job and I want to stay there. Just maybe not as a carrier. Best of all I am gonna follow my own advice. I am going to relearn love. Thinking what it is and knowing what it is are two totally different things. Love works on a myriad of levels. and Loving God, yourself and each other is a serious mission and one we all need to take on. Well enough rambling for the day.. Talk to you tomorrow
One Love,
R.
Good Morning..
1 Corinthians 15:19-22
If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be
pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised
from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen
asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection
of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all
die, so in Christ all will be made alive.
If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be
pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised
from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen
asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection
of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all
die, so in Christ all will be made alive.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Simon
Simon is this kid that comes into the bar. And for some reason, despite myself, I really like the kid. Last night, for the umpteenth time I had to toss him because he was really drunk and losing at pool. When he loses at pool, he fights or at least tries. I swear, he's 4'11" if he's an inch. These Penn kids were there. One dude was a total dick. He was really condescending and nasty. He felt like he owed no one any respect because of his financial status I wanted to kick his ass myself. But because of the rules, I had to remove Simon, because he intiated. I felt really bad because after I walked him out, the Penn kids were looking out of the window, pointing and laughing. He started crying. It hurt me to put him in that position. I felt like I was looking at myself in grade school. Maybe that's why I like him so much.
R.
R.
Friday, January 28, 2005
The Way You Like It
"The Way You Like It"
Adema
I'll get inside you
I'll get inside you
Don't live with shame, 'cause feelings change but fame remains
The reason why your gonna wanna take me home tonight
It's all the same up in this game, the people change
And money claims everyone from everything
I can't believe that you would think that shit of me
I was amazed at the torment that you put me through
If you can see right through the greed and all your needs
You realize that you were just about as bad as me
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
My life has changed but fuck the fame, I'll stay the same
You can't complain when you can pay the bills and do your thing
Appreciate, don't player hate, congratulate
I miss the pain and the torment that you put me through
(I'll get inside you)
So what's to fear when everything is crystal clear
You realize that you should do the things you wanna do
Don't give in to what people say, don't be ashamed
To separate the feelings on your mind you can't sedate
(I'll get inside you)
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
You would always say I'd never be shit
They would always say I'd never be shit
But look at me now, look at me now
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
The way you like it
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
(I'll get inside you)
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(The way you like it)
Adema
I'll get inside you
I'll get inside you
Don't live with shame, 'cause feelings change but fame remains
The reason why your gonna wanna take me home tonight
It's all the same up in this game, the people change
And money claims everyone from everything
I can't believe that you would think that shit of me
I was amazed at the torment that you put me through
If you can see right through the greed and all your needs
You realize that you were just about as bad as me
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
My life has changed but fuck the fame, I'll stay the same
You can't complain when you can pay the bills and do your thing
Appreciate, don't player hate, congratulate
I miss the pain and the torment that you put me through
(I'll get inside you)
So what's to fear when everything is crystal clear
You realize that you should do the things you wanna do
Don't give in to what people say, don't be ashamed
To separate the feelings on your mind you can't sedate
(I'll get inside you)
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
You would always say I'd never be shit
They would always say I'd never be shit
But look at me now, look at me now
Now you're beggin' me to stay
I'll get inside you
Now you're beggin' me to stay
The way you like it
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
Sometimes I only remember the days when I was young
(I'll get inside you)
Nowadays no one remembers when they were young and stupid
(The way you like it)
Come on baby help me, someone to confide in
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(I'll get inside you)
Now you're beggin' me to stay
(The way you like it)
Good Afternoon
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world,
yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange
for his soul?
Matthew 16:26
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Hateration...
I've never understood the whole concept of "playa hating". Especially past the age of 21. I mean, sure, when you're a kid it's only natural to envy someone for something that they have. Some skill that they possess. The star basketball player. The rich kid with the new car. But after you reach a certain age you're supposed to dispense with that nonsense. Alas, in this day and age, there are GROWN ASS MEN who still hate on other grown men. I think there is a fine line between jealousy and hateration. I mean like hairline fine. It's like hateration is jealousy's bastard cousin. A closer descendant to envy. I'm not the vain type. I don't think I am anything special that anyone would want to hate on me. I have an ok job. I got two wonderful boys. I have a normal life. I don't make a habit of telling untruths or spreading slander. I do enjoy a good laugh. And if something strikes me funny and I hear it repeated, damn straight I'm gonna laugh. I am a bit demonstrative, too. So, yeah, I'll imitate the behavior and laugh about that as well. But what I am not is a fake and a liar and what I am is 100% real at all times. SO, if you can't deal with me because I am those things, tough shit!! I don't have time for the 5th grade games and bullshit. Maybe the fault lies within you,(and I'm sure you're reading this and yes I am talking to YOU!) You claim to be something you're not. You can't stand up tall and be a man and accept your own shortcomings. MAN UP. I don't need or want anything you have ( and given the opportunity, what you have would jump at the chance to have me). In fact, you, truthfully, want what I have. Sorry, pal. No dice. It'll never happen. I can't waste anymore space on you. I'll become just like you. Lonely. Bitter. Jealous. Envious. Hateful. A HATER..
"Harder To Breathe"
"Harder To Breathe"
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to what I've said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe
How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to what I've said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe
Good Morning
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they
will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass
away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they
will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass
away.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Monday, January 24, 2005
Superman Complex
I was doing some cleaning and I came across an original handwritten draft of one of my favorite poems. I normally write erotica, but I was going through something when I wrote this. I'd actually lost the original and jotted what I thought was the complete poem from memory. Since finding it, I think the omission of two or three lines has made it an entirely different poem. Post and tell me what you think.
SUPERMAN COMPLEX (short version)Cast down from the heavens, like bright Lucifer fallen.
Smoldering,ashen, interstellar orphan.
Last son of my own.
Savior unwantedin a world unforgiving.
Everything to everyone, yet nothing to myself.
Omnipotent yet powerless to turn even the most stubborn heart.
I love this world yet,I hate myself.
Save yourself for I can no longer.
I can't be everything to you and nothing to myself.
No one wants a hero... just a scapegoat.
Stop the ride, I want off.
But I can't because even Superman's not supposed to to be able to feel.
But I'm not Superman.
But I am.........
SUPERMAN COMPLEX(original)Cast down from the heavens, like bright Lucifer fallen.
Smoldering,ashen, interstellar orphan.
Last son of my own.
Savior unwantedin a world unforgiving.
Everything to everyone, yet nothing to myself.
Omnipotent yet powerless to turn even the most stubborn heart.
Save yourself for I can no longer.
I can't be everything to you and nothing to myself.
No one wants a hero... just a scapegoat.
Blame me, Blame You.
I feel the wrath of 10 million screaming souls because,
I can’t be everywhere at onceand nowhere at anytime
I love this world yet,I hate myself.
Stop the ride, I want off.But I can't because even Superman can’t feel.
But I'm not Superman.
But I am.........
Writer's Block
Being creative is a blessing. But sometimes it's an even bigger source of frustratation. I have been able to write short stories in the past. I used to get an idea and BOOM!! I was on fire with it. I'd fly through until I was done. I think I've become to much of a perfectionist. My professor told me once, writing is rewriting. I'm so anxious to get it right the first time. I want to be a success and I think we all do. But at what price really? Mozart's desire for success drove him to an early grave. Nah, not the kid. Won't happen to me. I want to get it right. There's no doubt about it. But I can't be as driven as Hemmingway. I mean he took his own life after creating his masterpiece. I guess I just need to focus and not sweat the little things so much..
Anywho,
Back to the story..
ONE
R.
Anywho,
Back to the story..
ONE
R.
1/24
I've finally begun this journey. 3 days after my birthday too. Not bad. I'm not gonna promise it's always gonna be thoughtful or insightful. I'm just gonna say what I'm feeling. I hope you understand and you just feel me on what I'm saying from time to time. So bear with me and enjoy the ride.
R.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
