REDUX

First off, I don't evem know what happened to my blog post from last night.
It just spilled out of me with all of this raw emotion. I was feeling betrayed. Helpless. I felt like my world was being infiltrated and violated. I may not be perfect. In fact, I know I'm not. But I know what I feel about things
and real is real.

"Don't Tell Me"

Don't tell me to stop
Tell the rain not to drop
Tell the wind not to blow
'Cause you said so, mmm

Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
But please don't tell me to stop
But don't ever tell me to stop
Madonna

Do You Really Know How To Love Her?

It's just a question.
Do you really know how to love her?
How she likes to be held?
What she likes in her eggs?
If she even likes eggs at all.
You know that place that she likes to be touched?
I'm sure you have "magic hands".
I'm sure you know how to "handle yours"..
But..
Do you know what it takes to handle her.
She's gentle and fierce.
So simple and so complex.
It takes so much to deal with that.
Trust me, I know.
It took me so much time to get it right.
Well, maybe I don't have it right at all.
All I know is I know how to love her.
And I do...

Soul Kiss

SOUL KISS

I lay awake. Restless.
Knowing that tonight will be the night.
After all of the seduction, and all of the
silent desiring. Tonight will be the one
we share this first kiss. My room is dark
and silent. The breeze billows under the
curtains. Before long, under the stillness
of the moon, you appear. My heart flutters
and my blood races in anticipation.
I can feel you, watching me. The candle's
flame dances, almost in defiance of the cool
night air filling my room. Suddenly, you are
here, next to my bed. I hear your breath, bated,
panting. You lay beside me. You stroke back
my chestnut locks and caress my cheek and neck.
I gasp and my breath seizes in my chest. The delay
drives me insane. I am overtaken. I was taught to
avoid this. But I want this kiss. I want to feel all
that you feel. Your arid breath dances through the
small hairs of my neck. I feel your left hand stroke
the soft flesh of my now, exposed breast. It's as if
you're trying to feel my heartbeat...and then it happens.
I feel the kiss. I'm terrified and excited all at once.
A jumbled myriad of emotions flood the walls of my mind.
Then I feel you enter me. Pain and pleasure mix. I feel myself
begin to flow and you consume me. I open my mouth to scream,
but no words come out. I feel my being becoming a part of you.
Like I was something you were starved for. Something you have
craved. I feel the hardened muscular structure of your body behind
mine. I cease to struggle and nestle my frame against the curve of yours.
Suddenly I feel empowered and enlightened. My senses are so alive.
I feel the tension leave your muscles as your arms start to cradle my shape.
As the kiss concludes, I turn to see a shimmering, satisfied smile across your lips.
Your eyes, weary. I desired this kiss for so long and it was more than I ever anticipated
I leave you to slumber. Soon I will reciprocate the kiss, but not now. Not at this moment
After all, you gave me this. This hunger. This desiring. This insatiability. This kiss,
After all, you gave me this

Stolen..

Time flies..
No time to discuss.
Place and time, whenever, wherever.
Wanna be wherever you are.
Place small lovely kisses,
that precede the obvious.
Passion, fire, intensity.
The flame rises and consumes us both.
Your lips make me smolder.
My hands rush, my fingers roam.
Small, secret place.
Time flies.
It's never enough.
Want to stop time.
Who am I to demand all of yours?
I don't deserve it.
But these moments, stolen
make me wish that I did...

Addictive

I still taste her on my lips.
Sweet, like wet sugar.
I'm careful to catch every drop.
If I lose one, I 'll crave the taste forever.
I'm hooked. I desire her. She's so addictive.

Her taste is delicious.
Like corner store candy.
Gobbling up one after another.
I go insane until I have more.
I'm insatiable. She's what I desire. She's totally addictive.

She calls me her bad habit.
How could something this good be bad at all?
Here is the place that I wanna keep her.
Beside me. High on my shelf. Or is this a pedestal?
No matter. She deserves it. To be praised. Craved and desired.
She's what I long for. What I spend my nights aching for.
She's what I live for. The thing I'm hooked on.
I don't need twelve steps for this one.
She is so damned addictive...

...Infinite Sadness

" I see her sitting next to the window in the bedroom.She breaks down, crying over something and staring into nothing . She's afraid now, hate now, wanting, needing, haunting,its killing me .. Faking whats happening to live the life like that man. Will you love me tomorrow? Will you stay with me today ?? Running out of reason to fight the way she's feeling , shaken, mistaken, forsaken. It' s killing me. Wishing she could change but she's always been the same. If you leave now I'll drown...."
Thanks Erik...
Sometimes you need to feel a little melancholy...

Happy Valentine's Day

Love is being happy for the other person
when they are happy
being sad for the person
when they are sad
being together in good times
and being together in bad times
Love is the source of strength
Love is
being honest with yourself at all times
being honest with the other person at all times
telling, listening, respecting the truth
and never pretending
Love is the source of reality
Love is
an understanding so complete that
you feel as if you are a part
of the other person
accepting the other person
just the way they are
and not trying to change them
to be something else
Love is the source of unity
Love is
the freedom to pursue your own desires
while sharing your experiences
with the other person
the growth of one individual alongside of
and together with the growth
of another individual
Love is the source of success
Love is
the excitement of planning things together
the excitement of doing things together
Love is the source of the future
Love is
the fury of the storm
the calm in the rainbow
Love is the source of passion
Love is
giving and taking in a daily situation
being patient with each other's
needs and desires
Love is the source of sharing
Love is
knowing that the other person
will always be with you
regardless of what happens
missing the other person when they are away
but remaining near in heart at all times
Love is the source of security


Love is the source of life

Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

Scarlet Petals (an excerpt)

Just because I'm longing...

....He pressed his body against hers and kissed the back of her neck. She rested her body against his, almost falling into his arms. She reached behind and held his head to her neck. He lifted his head up and kissed her. She put her hands against the wall as he cupped her breasts in his hands. He had no idea just the touch of his fingers on her nipples drove her mad with passion. He moved his hands from her breasts to her hips as he lowered himself to his knees, behind her this time, massaging her back and bottom with his nimble hands. He grabbed her near her waist once more and turned her body around and placed her against the wall. She lowered her arms from the wall. She caressed his ears and head She looked into his eyes as he looked up into hers, knowing what was to come next. As he knelt before her, he raised her left leg over his shoulder. He began to kiss the inside of her thigh. His kisses trailed to her well kept garden. He explored it. Softly at first. Tasting her ever so gently. Nibbling on her sweltering scarlet petals. She moaned softly in delight. No one in so long had touched her like this. She wasn’t sure how she should react. She tried to contain her excitement, but before long the passion overtook her and she became more vocal. She held his head to her flower as he continued to taste her honey.
When she could take no more of him kissing and tasting her vessel, she begged him to give her a moment. She slid her leg from his shoulder. She sank to her knees, partly to face him but mostly to collect her breath. She kissed him and closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She held her hand on his chest and traced the shape of his pectoral muscles. She slid her hand down his stomach and down to his bulging boxer shorts. She began to tug at the seam and slid them off playfully. He laid back on the soft pile carpet. She laid her body down on top of his. . He looked at the flickering pillar candle one more time before closing his eyes as she placed her lips on his. She kissed his lips, neck and chest. She felt his strong arms surround her, making her feel safe. She continued to kiss him on his chest and his stomach until she found her treasure. She took him into her right hand and began to stroke it softly. The left hand soon found it’s way as well. Her strokes became a little more deliberate. She leaned over and kissed the head of his erection. She kissed it again, caressing the shaft with her tongue. She fought her nervousness and put him into her mouth. She began to move her head up and down, kissing and caressing every pulsating inch with her motion and willing mouth. He moaned in ecstasy as she loved him with her mouth. He caressed the side of her face, moving the auburn ringlets from her eyes. She sucked and pulled on him with a renewed urgency. She wanted to please him. Giving him all he wanted. She could feel his climax rising within his shaft and moved her mouth back up his stomach and chest to his succulent lips. “Come on, in here with me.”she whispered. She stood to her feet and led him to his feet by her hands. They walked into her bedroom, where more candles shone on the bed, that laid covered in red and white rose petals. She urged him to stand at her bedside while she crawled in, atop the petals. She beckoned and he followed. She lay across the bed, legs spread apart slightly. He laid atop her, not entering her yet. She kissed him some more and stroked his tool to complete attention. At this action she spread her legs fully and wrapped them around his body. She looked at him, directly in the eyes and said “Now. I want you inside of me now.” He complied. Sliding himself inside of her. Slowly. He wanted to savor this as much as she did. He didn’t want to hurt her, either. This moment was special to both of them. She felt all of him inside of her for the first time. It seemed to hurt at first but at the same time it was the greatest feeling she’d felt in along time. She cried out a little. It wasn’t from any pain, though. She cried because she had been denying herself this for so long. He asked if she was okay and if she wanted him to stop. She only looked up into his eyes, closed hers and kissed him some more. She wrapped her arms around his back and cried out in passion with every thrust. She wanted to stay where she was, with him inside of her, forever. She didn’t want how she felt to end. She felt her eruption building. She wanted him to go faster. Faster. She held her breath and felt herself release, all over and around him. She cried aloud “Yes, yes. Please don’t stop! I need to feel you in me. All of you.” He paused and asked her ”are you sure that’s what you want?” She nodded and kissed him again to confirm what she was feeling. He started moving inside of her again. He moved steadily, with a sense of urgency. He knew what she wanted. He wanted to give her whatever she desired. Even that part of him. She began to tighten around him as he pulsated inside of her. He felt how warm and wet she had become. It was more than he needed to send him over the edge. He held her closer. His lips found her breasts and he kissed them once more for good measure as he felt his desire unleash deep within her. She climaxed once more, covering them both. He experienced a flurry of emotions as he felt his release. It felt wonderful and confusing all at once. He cried out. He collapsed there in her arms. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t want to move from this spot. From this moment. It was perfect. The way she wanted. The way she dreamed. She kissed him once more as they held one another. She caressed the back of his neck as his fingers stroked her chestnut locks. They gazed into one another’s eyes, knowing there wouldn’t be another moment as magical as this one. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. Comforted by the sounds of his beating heart. She knew that this is where she wanted to be and no one or no thing could take that from them.

Naked

It's like her words see through me.
They make me feel naked.
I feel them tear through my layers .
Exposing me to truth.
Bare and exposed,
I can give her my all.
She makes me feel naked.
But I'm totally unafraid.

Does Love Really Mean Having To Say You're Sorry?

"2 these walls I talk
Tellin' 'em what I wasn't strong enough 2 say
2 these walls I talk
Tellin' 'em how I cried the day U went away

How did we ever lose communication?
How did we ever lose each other's sound?
Baby, if U wanna, we can fix the situation
Maybe we can stop the rain from coming down"

In This Bed I Scream - Prince - Emancipation - 1996

Often times, I've wondered why, if situations arise where a friend of yours feels wronged by you, they feel you need to apologize to them even if you've done nothing wrong. There may be a miscommunication or even an expectation that isn't communicated at all. God forbid you miss their expected cue and all of a sudden you are the very worst person in the world. I've had two situations happen to me over the course of this weekend that I simply refuse to apologize for. The second was just stupid and I won't even get into it here. The first situation occured Friday. For the record, I went above and beyond anything I was really supposed to do for this person when everything went down on Friday morning(the situation is rather personal to them and I'd rather not discuss it here). Now, during the course of the day, I have a million things to do ALWAYS. I don't always get the chance to get on the phone like I'd want to. Hell, I don't call my Mother everyday. But this friend expected a phone call, because of the seriousness of this situation. I never really even thought of calling this person because the impression I was given was that they were surrounded by family and at a time like this a call from me may not have been well received just due to the confusion occuring. Little did I know..
I guess I know better now. BUT I'm not angry. Just don't understand it all..
R.

Good Morning (Let Love Rule)

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
1 Peter 4:7-9

Isa 40:31 GO BIRDS!!!

I wonder if they ever mentioned the Patriots in the Bible..

Isa 40:31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

Good Morning

It's funny. After my ramble last night, I open my daily bible verse and this is what it is.. Have a blessed day...


As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has
compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are
formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days
are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place
remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his
righteousness with their children's children - with those
who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

Psalm 103:13-18

R.

"Who Do You Love?"

Defining a relationship. It's one of those cliche things that isn't as simple as black and white. A father/son relationship is one of the most tenuous. I have been a dad for 11 years. Have I been a good Dad? I've tried. Have I been the best Dad I could be. No. I don't think I have. I am MAN ENOUGH to admit it. Neither of the relationships that bore my children(yeah, I got two baby mamas)were exactly the healthiest. I met Sabrina when I was 18 and she was 21. I had no idea the ride I'd be in for over the subsequent 17 years. She was the first woman I ever said I loved. She was a LOT of firsts.(yeah, that one too..) She could get anything she wanted from me(and most times she did). I believed in her so blindly. Even I was in school. I wrote her constantly with no reply. I'd call her and if she was home, she'd rebuff me with words of assurance that everything was ok and she loved me as much as I loved her. What a fool I was. After an initial three years ( and coincidentally, after I was home from school permanently) she decided that it was over. We bounced back and forth through a tumultuous series of being "on again, off again." When I was 22 I met and got engaged to a girl named Demetria(because my mother liked her..). Demetria was a sweet girl, but got caught up in the downward spiral of bad relationships that defined my life from 21 to 23. When we ended things, we discovered that we had far less in common than we originally thought and I ended up getting stabbed(well, slashed really.) Nevertheless, I ended up right back in Sabrina's arms. See, the thing is, there were things going on with Sabrina that, in hindsight, I realize were right in front of my face, but in my naivete, I just didn't see them. Sabrina would do inexplicable things. Leave home for several days. Call from strange places and abruptly hang up. I thought she was into drugs or something. Well, I was right. It was something. Regardless, we ended up on again, and the result was, she became pregnant with Hasheen Khalid, my oldest son. I was ecstatic. I was 23, had a good job and my own place and my first love was having my first child. (Someone remind me again, why they're called fairy tales...). Her erratic behavior began again. She moved out of her mother's house and disappeared for three weeks. When se reemerged she'd started talking about aborting my son. I begged her not to. She agreed and went on with the pregnancy. But she kept me at arms lentgh with a string of lies. When my son was finally born. I found out an ugly truth about her that changed our friendship/relationship forever. A week after Hasheen was born, Sabrina came into the hospital(he was born with neonatal pneumonia), took my son and disappeared(subsequently for four years). I was devastated. I spiralled into alcohol and drug abuse. I stopped caring about anything. Along came Catherine. She came into my life when I was totally vulnerable. She was a friend of (my roommate) Kyle's mother. She happened to be around at a critical time, when I needed someone. It was around Christmas time. I'd called Sabrina's mother to see if she'd had any contact with her. She told me that Hasheen was at her house and if I wanted to see him I could come over before Sabrina picked him up. Naturally, I was elated. There was a slight problem. I was at 58th and Arch and she was in East Falls ( my Philly pham knows what I am getting at..) I didn't have a car at the time and there was no way Septa would get me there in time. Catherine happened to be at the house (we'd actually started dating.. sorta) so she agreed to take me to Hasheen's grandmother's so I could see him. That was the biggest thing anyone could have done for me at that time in my life( Remember the downward spiral of drugs and booze? I was involved in an auto accident that shoulda claimed my life. After that I tried to get so high, that I couldn't feel anything anymore. But the higher I got, the straighter I felt. God was calling me back). Well, two weeks after that, we were married. Against everyones wishes and warnings. It worked for two years. In that time Jordan Tyler was born. He's the spitting image of his Daddy. I guess I shoulda made sure she had broken up wth her "ex-boyfriend" before we'd gotten married. I don't regret either of my children. Their mothers and our relationships, well that's up for review. Like I said before I started rambling, I'm not the greatest Dad. But my kids think so. And like I said, I'm trying...
R .