Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Gimme Shelter (Repost)

I don't know how many of you know this, but I am a huge fan of all music.
Sometimes the lyrics of songs strike me and they stay with me.
I heard this song on the radio at work a few weeks ago and I had to download it of course.But, I just recently read the lyrics...
I think you'll understand what I mean..







Oh a storm is threat'ning my very life today

If I don't get some shelter

Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


See the fire sweepin' out very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet, mad bull lost its way


War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


Rape! Murder! It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
Rape! Murder! It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


The floods is threat'ning my very life today.
Gimme, gimme shelter or I'm gonna fade away


War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


Love, sister, it's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Friday, March 16, 2007

Heroes - Lithium

Awesome Heroes Vid..

Sunday, June 18, 2006

OUR FIRST TIME ( an oldie)


OUR FIRST TIME
(as told to me by her)


As I step in the door your arms envelope me. We engage
in a very passionate kiss. We both feel the heat
between us and cannot deny the inevitable. We must
make love and soon. But I want to make it perfect for
our first time. It took me forever to drive there and
I am exhausted, but not too tired for you. You ask
about my trip and I tell you I would drive to the ends
of the earth for you, but if you want me to have
energy to keep you up all night, we must have dinner.
You drive me around your town and you show me all of
the sights. You pick the perfect little place for a
romantic, candlelit dinner. For some reason you know,
seafood and white wine. A powerful combination. We
flirt and kiss and cuddle all through dinner. I feed
you in a very seductive way, occasionally licking my
own fingers. You lean over to kiss me again as I reach
under the table to feel just how excited you are . You
are so erect that you are ready to burst. You throb
against my hand. Our table is perfectly hidden in a
secluded alcove of the restaurant. The long white
tablecloth covers both of us very well. I playfully
decide to unleash what's been held back . You protest
for a moment but the way I kiss you makes you comply.
I just need to feel all of you, if only for a moment.
As the air hits your exposed shaft, you moan with
pleasure. It is wonderfully apparent that you are
ready for me. I want to slide on top of it but I know
that is impossible for now. I am happy just feeling
you throb in my hand. Still continuing dinner so as
not to be too obvious. You begin to move your hips
little by little . Neither of us can take me just
holding you anymore, so I begin to stroke you. Slowly
and completely from top to bottom. I start to giggle
and you question me. I tell you I have never done
anything like this before. But I cannot stop stroking
you. It fits so well , so perfectly, in the palm of my
hand. You begin to swell even more and I know you want
to explode right there, but I squeeze the tip and just
under the crown of your majestic rod. Enough to make
the feeling subside for a moment. I lean over and suck
gently on your neck before whisper in your ear, "take
me home, now!" I feel you swell some more at those
words, so much that I think you will give me your
release right there in the dimly lit dining room.
You muster to compose yourself and you help me put my
toy away. You pay the bill and we hurry out of the
door, your arm firmly around me. As we reach the car
you open the door for me and as I turn to get in you
grab hold of me and spin me around. You kiss me so
passionately that I cannot control myself any longer.
I was so turned on by stroking you, that I was already
close to climaxing, but your kiss sends me over the
edge. I begin to tremble against you and you pull me
closer to you. I moan and start to shake and you can
feel what is happening. I have to kiss every inch of
your body. I want to taste you. We are so heated You
whisper my name and tell me to let go. I feel the
flood come in waves and I get weak in the knees and
press myself against you even more. At last, I am
stable enough to get inside the car. Happy to be
sitting because my legs are trembling so. You go
around to the other side and get in beside me. You
lean over for one last kiss before we go and i give in
to your wishes. We drive home hurriedly, enjoying the
ride , talking about nothing, but knowing that both of
us are thinking about what is about to happen. We get
to your place and rush inside. I want to feel you
against me now so I begin to undress you as you are
closing the door. I hear the waves crash against the
beach below your window. At the moment, we know it
will not take long. I don't know how you did it or
when it happened, but you have me naked, just as you
are. I have to have you in my mouth for a moment. I
kiss you down the length of your body as I slowly
kneel before you. I look deep into your eyes as I part
my waiting lips and take you into my mouth. You throw
your head back and moan as you run your fingers
through my hair. You begin to move your hips as I
caress your pulsating tool with my lips . I feel you
ready to explode. But first I need to feel all of you
inside of me.
You lead me over to the bed. It can no longer be
denied, we know what is about to happen. You lay me
down on the plush, scented black and leopard print bed
sheets. They compliment the black iron spires of your
cathedral frame bed. You light the tall vanilla and
spice scented pillar candles, that sit in the holders
in the front of your bed. You pick up a slim remote
control and tap a button. Music begins to fill the
room. The passion in the room is undescribable. I
usually love lots foreplay but I think we have had
enough and I lay across your bed as you are standing
at the edge. I tease you with my toes and spread my
legs open to you and say " make love to me, please."
You come to me and lay your body next to mine for a
moment. I feel you throb against me. I move my hips to
tell you I am ready for you. You begin to kiss me.
Around my neck and face. Down between my heaving
breasts. Licking and teasing the nipples. You kiss me
along the length of my belly, kissing the navel until
you reach your treasure. You start to kiss the swollen
lips of my labia. You begin to nibble and playfully
lap up my pearl and all of my juices. I moan and begin
to feel myself reach a new heights of passion. No one
in such a long time has touched me and made me feel
like this. I feel myself release again,
uncontrollably. I can't fight my fear and reservation
anymore I know that I want you inside of me now. I ask
you once more to make love to me and you comply. You
gently begin to penetrate me. I am so tight, that it
causes us both to let out small moans of pleasure. You
ask me if I am alright. I tell you that I am and beg
you to continue. Which you do. We move in perfect time
with each other, both climbing to reach that plateau
of satisfaction. Our lovemaking continues and I feel
you begin to push into me with more urgency. I know
you are about to climax. I call your name and tell you
I want it inside of me. You feel my muscles tighten
around you as my orgasm envelopes us both. That is all
it takes for you. With one last thrust you unleash all
of your desires deep inside of me and we both cry out
in ecstasy . As tears of absolute joy fill my eyes, I
know there could never be two people better together
than you and I. You hold me closely and kiss away my
tears as we lay beside each other. I feel total joy
and relief as I bring my breathing back under control.
With gentle kisses and caresses we fall into a deep
peaceful sleep.
I awake some hours later. I reach out for you on your
side of the bed. I instead find a single red rose and
note that greets me. I look out of the window at the
beautifully bright red-orange sunrise. I wrap myself
in a soft, white terry bathrobe and walk to the huge
sliding glass window that leads to your balcony. I
lean over and look for you on the beach. I see you and
your rotweiler, Samson running in the sand along the
front of your house. I walk out to meet you, just the
way I am. I love watching the way your body moves when
you run and workout. Something about the sinewy
musculature of your calves nd chest just absolutely
sets me aflame. You sprint past with Samson yelping
and running behind you. I realize that you've caught
sight of me from the corner of your eye. You slow your
run to a complete stop. You walk over to my direction
and call me over to where you are. I suddenly realize
I am in nothing but a bathrobe. But you beckon me over
anyway, and when I finally meet you out there in the
warm, wet sand, you pull me close to you and look so
deeply into my eyes, I knew you could see into my very
soul. You then lower your head and capture my lips
with yours. The sweetest kiss I've ever received. I
kiss you back with so much passion and intensity, it
nearly takes your breath away. We slowly lower
ourselves onto the wet sand at the edge of the ocean
and continue to kiss with such passion that our bodies
shake as we lay pressed against one another.
As we lay there you began to caress my face and
whisper into my ear what you imagine our future can
be, together, as you began to undress me in the early
morning sun, kissing each inch of skin that you expose
to the salty air. I am then laying beneath you with
nothing on but the glow from the sunrise and the way
you make me feel. Somehow you manage to undress
without me noticing . Just when I thought it could not
be any better you slowly slide yourself into me,
almost into the very center of my being. My wetness
surrounds all of your lovely, throbbing erection. As
all of you finds it's way into me, I moan in ecstasy.
When you've reached into me as far as you can go you
just pause and hold it there, feeling the center of my
love throb with desire and passion for you. Then you
slowly begin to move inside of me, each thrust in time
with the ocean. We are one not only with each other
but with the universe. I move under you to urge you to
continue. I gently stroke and run my nails over your
back. I reach down to your buttocks and hold you deep
into me. The way you move in and out of me has taken
it's toll. You feel me begin to tighten around your
stiff rod and begin to shudder in anticipation of my
love coming down. I hold you closer to me and kiss you
deeply as I begin to explode. The way my muscles
contract further excites you and causes you to swell
with desire and you push into me deeper. You moan
slightly and begin to fill me up with all of your
love. The warmth of it all filling me up inside sends
me over the edge once more as I cry out again in my
release. You embrace me tightly and place small kisses
all over my face before kissing me deeply and
passionately on my lips. You whisper my name and tell
me how much you love me, and I tell you "this is just
the beginning."

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Something New.. "God In Your Eyes"

Ok everyone..

I promised you all something HOT and NEW..

This is a poem I wrote for a reading a while back that I never read..

This is the first time ANYONE has seen this..

Be honest and tell me what you think of it..

God In Your Eyes
I see God in your eyes..

and sometimes I see Him while between your thighs.

I know you'll think me profane.

But I can't lie

After all he created what I see.

All of the things I love on you and about you.

The thickness of your hips.

The fullness of your lips.

The milk and honey that flows

while I'm on my knees,

giving praise to your vessel.

Can you feel what I'm saying?

The same way I feel you

While I'm deep inside your....

Well, you get my point.

Now you know why.

I see God in your eyes.

And sometimes between your thighs.

I mean, He has to be near.

Why else would you call his name

Whenever I'm there..?

SOUL KISS

I lay awake. Restless.

Knowing that tonight will be the night.

After all of the seduction, and all of the

silent desiring. Tonight will be the one

we share this first kiss. My room is dark

and silent. The breeze billows under the

curtains. Before long, under the stillness

of the moon, you appear. My heart flutters

and my blood races in anticipation.

I can feel you, watching me. The candle's

flame dances, almost in defiance of the cool

night air filling my room. Suddenly, you are

here, next to my bed. I hear your breath, bated,

panting. You lay beside me. You stroke back

my chestnut locks and caress my cheek and neck.

I gasp and my breath seizes in my chest. The delay

drives me insane. I am overtaken. I was taught to

avoid this. But I want this kiss. I want to feel all

that you feel. Your arid breath dances through the

small hairs of my neck. I feel your left hand stroke

the soft flesh of my now, exposed breast. It's as if

you're trying to feel my heartbeat...and then it

happens.

I feel the kiss. I'm terrified and excited all at

once.

A jumbled myriad of emotions flood the walls of my

mind.

Then I feel you enter me. Pain and pleasure mix. I

feel myself

begin to flow and you consume me. I open my mouth to

scream,

but no words come out. I feel my being becoming a part

of you.

Like I was something you were starved for. Something

you have

craved. I feel the hardened muscular structure of your

body behind

mine. I cease to struggle and nestle my frame against

the curve of

yours.

Suddenly I feel empowered and enlightened. My senses

are so alive.

I feel the tension leave your muscles as your arms

start to cradle my

shape.

As the kiss concludes, I turn to see a shimmering,

satisfied smile

across your lips.

Your eyes, weary. I desired this kiss for so long and

it was more

than I ever anticipated

I leave you to slumber. Soon I will reciprocate the

kiss, but not

now. Not at this moment

After all, you gave me this. This hunger. This

desiring. This

insatiability. This kiss.

After all, you gave me this...

My A-Z 10/26/05

My A-Z
A- AREA CODE YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW: 215

B- BIRTHDAY: January 21

C- CURRENT CRUSH: Chandra Wilson from “Grey’s Anatomy”

D- FAVORITE DRINK: WAWA Diet Lemon Ice Tea

E- EATING CURRENTLY: A pretzel from this morning

F- FAVORITE FOOD: Mexican, Barbecue or Italian

G- WHO DO YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE? I’m so used to people coming to me…

H- CURRENT HATRED: Ignorance, intolerance, stupidity.

I- I THINK: things can always get better.

J- CURRENT JOB: Supervisor, Postal Service; unpublished writer; ACPW

K- ANY KIDS: 2; Hasheen 11 ; Jordan 10; Jayla (coming soon)
L- I LOVE: Recklessly and Unconditionally
M- FAVORITE MOVIE: Green Card, Rent(well, it will be), RHPS, Star Wars Saga, LOTR

N- YOUR PHONE NUMBER: you should already have it

O- OVER OR UNDER: under

P- FAVORITE PERFUME/COLOGNE: Acqua Di Gio, Curve, Issey Miyake, Cool Water

Q- A LITTLE QUIRK ABOUT YOURSELF: I’m really shy

R- LAST ROAD TRIP: July, to Summer Jam

S- FAVORITE SONG: Crazy Game of Poker - OAR

T- FAVORITE TV SHOW: Any police drama with initials for a title

U- COLOR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR: white

V- YOU WERE IN VEGAS: in a dream

W- WISHFUL THINKING: That the past three weeks never happened

X- X-RAYS TAKEN THIS YEAR: 0

Y- YOUR FAVORITE YEAR OF YOUR LIFE: every one

Z- ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn-Aquarius

From One Of My Friends... Umm Yeah..

I snagged this from a friends blog ---just spreading the knowledge here ;)


Here are some facts you should know:

the average guy produces about 3.5 mL of semen per ejaculation whose nutritional value is:

less than 1 calorie
150 mg. protien
11 mg. carbohydrates
6 mg. fat.
3 mg. cholesterol
7 XS RDA potassium
3 XS RDA copper
3XS RDA zinc
300 million spermatoza

Sperm also contains:


water
ascorbic acid (vitamin C)
blood-group antigens
calcium (yes, just like milk!)
chlorine (add your own little contribution to cleanliness!)
cholesterol (Is this the "bad cholesterol" or "good cholesterol"?)
citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid, fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium (what do you know, these are good for fertilization too!)
prostaglandins (fatty acids that, while not a hormone, perform hormone-like functions)
purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid
sodium (good to have, especially if you've been sweating a lot)
sorbitol, spermidine, spermine
vitamin B12 and zinc (you would think it's a multivitamin)



Random fun facts

Average volume of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 18 quarts
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Its muscle drives nature's only known rotary-joint. The tail SCREWS, not whips. (no pun)
Average number of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7
Average duration of orgasm: 4 seconds
Average number of sperm cells in the ejaculate of a healthy man: 200 to 600 million
Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches
Sperm lifespan: 2.5 months from development to ejaculation



Ummm. yeah. Just wanted to share that.Tuesday October 25, 2005 - 01:42pm (PDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 1 Comment

A Little Something (for friends old and new) - SCARLET PETALS 10/25/05

He arrived at her building around 9:30 a.m. He breezed past the doorman, coffee in hand. He strode, somewhat anxiously, through the lobby. He looked forward to the time he spent with her. He liked the way she smelled. The way her apartment was decorated. They'd only started dating recently. They had known each other for a short while and discovered a wealth of common interests. Including the fact they shared the same day off. So that became their day to spend with each other. They'd begin with breakfast and the news. They would rent movies and take walks in the park nearby. He enjoyed being with her and her feelings were mutual. They were wary of the relationship at first because of the differences between them. She was slightly older than he. They were from two different backgrounds and generations. That race issue didn't bother him as much as it did her. She knew that people wouldn't understand and would label what they had as something tawdry. She liked him for whom he was. He stepped onto the elevator and pushed the button labeled "17". He stepped off of the elevator and walked to her door. He knocked softly three times. She appeared before him. Wearing something lacy and sheer. He gasped. He was taken aback. Just for a second. He had never seen her in anything like this. She stood in the doorway vamping like a rubenesque 1930's black and white movie vixen. "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" He smiled "No. Well...not yet anyway." She invited him in. He was met by the scent of warm cinnamon and spice. There were candles lit in every corner of the room. She helped him take his jacket off and hung it on the peg behind her door. He sat his coffee down on the small table by the door and looked all around her place, still a little stunned. She'd thought of everything. Candles. Wine. Even music. She knew he loved Coltrane and Live at Newport `63 was spinning in her CD player. "WOW, what's the occasion?"he asked. She replied"You." "Me?!?!"he again asked, puzzled. "Yes, you. I'm ready to take this thing we have one step further" She moved closer to where he was standing and kissed him. Long and deeply. She put her hands under his Henley and ran them across his chest. He began to remove his flannel and then the sheer jacket that rested over her neglige. He held her face in his hands and kissed her. More firmly this time. She swooned to his touch. She felt almost helpless when she was in his arms. He never pressed the issue of going further with her, but she knew every time they kissed, her resolve grew a little weaker and soon she'd be powerless to resist anything he asked. She wanted to be in control of the situation when it happened. He kissed her again, on the neck this time. She gave a small moan of delight and urged him to remove the Henley so she could touch the skin of his chest with her lips. He complied. She could smell the scent of his cologne and body spray and it drove her wild. She kissed him on the lips and began to trail her tongue and mouth down his chest and belly. She was enraptured by his aroma. He leaned back against the white partition wall of her apartment as she kissed his torso. She reached the waist of his jeans where his belt remained buckled. She saw that he was bulging against his pants and wanted to see what he was hiding in them. She loosened the buckle of his belt and the silver button of his jeans. She lowered the zipper half way and thought for a second. She didn't want to rush this moment. She wanted to savor every second. She continued to kiss his body and made her way back up to his neck and his lips. He put his hands on her curvy waist and pulled her even closer to him. She felt his bulge, through his jeans. She pressed herself against it. He pulled her to him by her round bottom. She thought she would climax right there in his arms. He turned her body around so that she was laying against the partition wall. He slipped her shoulders from her sexy nightgown and slid it over her full size figure until it rested on the floor at her feet. She stood there in nothing on but her starlet heels. She moved it from under their feet with a slight kick. He entwined their fingers he kissed her even more, raising their clasped hands above their heads and resting them against the wall behind her. He slipped his fingers from between her still raised hands and caressed her down the length of her arms. He lowered himself slowly before her, kissing her on the neck and her magnificent, heaving breasts. His tongue found her throbbing, firm nipples. They were the color of a harvest sunrise. She felt herself weakening again as he caressed her tender creamy skin with his tongue. He continued down to her bellybutton, where he paused and kissed it, sending waves of ecstasy through her whole body. He rose to his feet once more and put his hands on her waist. He pulled her close to him, only to turn her body around a lay her against the wall froward. He slipped his jeans off and stood in his boxer shorts, with his throbbing member peeking from the slit in the front. He pressed his body against hers and kissed the back of her neck. She rested her body against his, almost falling into his arms. She reached behind and held his head to her neck. He lifted his head up and kissed her. She put her hands against the wall as he cupped her breasts in his hands. He had no idea just the touch of his fingers on her nipples drove her mad with passion. He moved his hands from her breasts to her hips as he lowered himself to his knees, behind her this time, massaging her back and bottom with his nimble hands. He grabbed her near her waist once more and turned her body around and placed her against the wall. She lowered her arms from the wall. She caressed his ears and head She looked into his eyes as he looked up into hers, knowing what was to come next. As he knelt before her, he raised her left leg over his shoulder. He began to kiss the inside of her thigh. His kisses trailed to her well kept garden. He explored it. Softly at first. Tasting her ever so gently. Nibbling on her sweltering scarlet petals. She moaned softly in delight. No one in so long had touched her like this. She wasn't sure how she should react. She tried to contain her excitement, but before long the passion overtook her and she became more vocal. She held his head to her flower as he continued to taste her honey. When she could take no more of him kissing and tasting her vessel, she begged him to give her a moment. She slid her leg from his shoulder. She sank to her knees, partly to face him but mostly to collect her breath. She kissed him and closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She held her hand on his chest and traced the shape of his pectoral muscles. She slid her hand down his stomach and down to his bulging boxer shorts. She began to tug at the seam and slid them off playfully. He laid back on the soft pile carpet. She laid her body down on top of his. . He looked at the flickering pillar candle one more time before closing his eyes as she placed her lips on his. She kissed his lips, neck and chest. She felt his strong arms surround her, making her feel safe. She continued to kiss him on his chest and his stomach until she found her treasure. She took him into her right hand and began to stroke it softly. The left hand soon found it's way as well. Her strokes became a little more deliberate. She leaned over and kissed the head of his erection. She kissed it again, caressing the shaft with her tongue. She fought her nervousness and put him into her mouth. She began to move her head up and down, kissing and caressing every pulsating inch with her motion and willing mouth. He moaned in ecstasy as she loved him with her mouth. He caressed the side of her face, moving the auburn ringlets from her eyes. She sucked and pulled on him with a renewed urgency. She wanted to please him. Giving him all he wanted. She could feel his climax rising within his shaft and moved her mouth back up his stomach and chest to his succulent lips. "Come on, in here with me."she whispered. She stood to her feet and led him to his feet by her hands. They walked into her bedroom, where more candles shone on the bed, that laid covered in red and white rose petals. She urged him to stand at her bedside while she crawled in, atop the petals. She beckoned and he followed. She lay across the bed, legs spread apart slightly. He laid atop her, not entering her yet. She kissed him some more and stroked his tool to complete attention. At this action she spread her legs fully and wrapped them around his body. She looked at him, directly in the eyes and said "Now. I want you inside of me now." He complied. Sliding himself inside of her. Slowly. He wanted to savor this as much as she did. He didn't want to hurt her, either. This moment was special to both of them. She felt all of him inside of her for the first time. It seemed to hurt at first but at the same time it was the greatest feeling she'd felt in along time. She cried out a little. It wasn't from any pain, though. She cried because she had been denying herself this for so long. He asked if she was okay and if she wanted him to stop. She only looked up into his eyes, closed hers and kissed him some more. She wrapped her arms around his back and cried out in passion with every thrust. She wanted to stay where she was, with him inside of her, forever. She didn't want how she felt to end. She felt her eruption building. She wanted him to go faster. Faster. She held her breath and felt herself release, all over and around him. She cried aloud "Yes, yes. Please don't stop! I need to feel you in me. All of you." He paused and asked her "are you sure that's what you want?" She nodded and kissed him again to confirm what she was feeling. He started moving inside of her again. He moved steadily, with a sense of urgency. He knew what she wanted. He wanted to give her whatever she desired. Even that part of him. She began to tighten around him as he pulsated inside of her. He felt how warm and wet she had become. It was more than he needed to send him over the edge. He held her closer. His lips found her breasts and he kissed them once more for good measure as he felt his desire unleash deep within her. She climaxed once more, covering them both. He experienced a flurry of emotions as he felt his release. It felt wonderful and confusing all at once. He cried out. He collapsed there in her arms. Tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to move from this spot. From this moment. It was perfect. The way she wanted. The way she dreamed. She kissed him once more as they held one another. She caressed the back of his neck as his fingers stroked her chestnut locks. They gazed into one another's eyes, knowing there wouldn't be another moment as magical as this one. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. Comforted by the sounds of his beating heart. She knew that this is where she wanted to be and no one or no thing could take that from them.

Kim 10/18/05

Kim
No One But You (Only The Good Die Young)
A hand above the water, an angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in heaven, do you want us to cry?
And everywhere the broken-hearted, On every lonely avenue
No-one could reach them, No-one but you

One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
And life goes on
Without you

Another tricky situation, I get to drowning in the blues
And I find myself thinking, well, what would you do?
Yes, it was such an operation, forever paying every due
Hell, you made a sensation (sensation)
You found a way through (found a way through)

One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
We'll remember
Forever

And now the party must be over, I guess we'll never understand
The sense of your leaving, was it the way it was planned?
So we grace another table, and raise our glasses one more time
There's a face at the window
And I ain't never, never saying goodbye

One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
Crying for nothing
Crying for no-one
No-one but you

Another One (10/13/05)

Another One
1. Do you still know/talk to the person you lost your virginity to?
NO!

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
Open 1,000 pudding cups


3.What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Top 40


4.What is the best thing about your current job?
I get to say "Yes, I AM the boss of you.."

5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was a required class upon purchasing one?
Yep


6. Are you against marriage?
Just my first one..

7. Why?
Because my first wife was involved

8. What's the most fucked up food combination you've come up with that's actually tasty?
Nachos Grande and pancakes


9. Have you been on a date in the past week?
Nah

10. If yes... How did it go, if no, why not?
Because I work like wayyy too much

11. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Vegas or Florida

12. Quote a song lyric, because I told you to!
"Dig if U will the picture, of U and I engaged in a kiss. The sweat of yuor body covers me. Can you my darling, can you picture this?"

13. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
A little bit of both

15. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
Nope

16. Are you ashamed of having it?
N/a

17. What do you wish someone would buy you?
A video iPod

18. What do you think of hipsters?
Pretentious wannabes



19. What are you wearing right now?
Black shorts, Cool Water, earrings

20. When is the last time you had mom's home cookin'?
A month ago


21. Do you like your parents?
Yes

23. What state/country are you from?
PA

24. Do you ever wish you were gay/straight?
I hate boys

25. Tell us about the last conversation you had?
The next show

26. Where do you see yourself in one month?
At another station..

27. What is your favorite smell?
Acqua Di Gio


28. Home Depot: evil or good?
Good


29. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
Multi Polar


30. What is the time and the outside temperature at the moment?
12:15 am COLD & Raining .


31. Are you missing anyone right now?
My grandmother. My boys. (I've worked the last few weekends)

32. What does your 360 blast mean?
It's a quote from a Terence Trent D'Arby song.

33. Elaborate on your primary photo.
Me at the Doubletree in Plymouth Meeting. BABS PJ Party 2003


34. Who introduced you to 360?

Just found it..


35. How many comments do you have?
like 25


36. What's your current relationship status?
Great

37. What is your current problem?
Trusting people

38. What are you doing right now?
Blogging


39.What do you hate most?
Disloyalty

40. What do you love most?
God, my family, wrestling, music.


41. What makes you happy?
See above.

42. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
NOTHING. It's all a part of the journey


43. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what will you be?
A sleek black panther

44. Ever had a near death experience?
Yes


45. Name ONE obvious quality you have.
I am too forgiving

46. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy


47. Are you happy today?
Yes. I got the weekend off

48. Who will cut and paste this first?
Not sure.
49.whos most likely to respond?
Char or Elle.

50.whos not likely to respond?
Jessica

10/13/05

October 13, 2005
Me and My Surveys.. ( a short one..)

Two Names You Go By
1. Ron

2. Daddy

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. African
2. Irish

Two Things That Scare You
1. rodents
2. being alone

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. MP3 player
2. Something to write on

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. black gym shorts
2. Cool Water

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Prince
2. Terence Trent D'Arby


Two of Your Favorite Songs
1. Harder To Breathe - Maroon 5
2. I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin DeGraw

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Honesty

2. Trust

Two people I would like to see take this quiz:

1. Chelle

2. Char

She's On Her Way

She's On Her Way
Here SHE is. My future little princess.

20 Weeks and counting..

Thanks to everyone for all of their prayers, thoughts and well wishes..

Glory Days (from 360)


Glory Days(What Were You Like In High School)
(Copy and paste your own answers on your page. Let your friends know how you really were..)Swiped from my good friend, Shannon Hunter


1. My Grades were?
Not nearly as good as they should have been
2. What high school did you go to?
Bodine High School for International Affairs ('83-'85) Parkway Program Alpha('85- '87)
3. What year did you graduate?
1987 from Parkway.
4. What were your favorite band(s) or artist(s)
Motley Crue. U2. Cinderella. Bon Jovi. Twisted Sister. Ozzy. Bruce Hornsby & The Range. The Hooters and Whitesnake.
5. What was your favorite outfit?
I had these black jeans from the Lee Factory. White Adidas with black stripes. I think I had a black Cinderella/Bon Jovi tour t shirt. My Tony Alva skateboard

6. What was up with your hair?
Kept it low and tight with a part. (Didn't get crazy til I went away to school)
7. Who were your best friend(s)?
Eric, Mike, Donna, Ana, Deirdre, Hector, Allen, Luanna, Elaine, Robert, Tiamoya, Tanya, Tracey AJ, Tony, Mike, Keisha & Kia(the twins), James and Little James

8. What did you do after School?

Hung out. Worked

9. Where did you work?
The Place At 4th & Race(deliveries) Family Dollar


10. Did you take the bus?
EVERYWHERE


11. Who did you have a crush on?

Every girl I couldn't have.


12. Who did you date?
Roberta Guest.

13. Did you fight with your parents?
Me and my dad didn't speak

14. Did you ever get detention?
Nah. Geeks don't get detention
15. Favorite Subject?
English. Creative Writing.

16. Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
My goodness. The girl that played Dusty on FAME.

17. Did you smoke cigarettes?
Until I found out they could cause me to die.( actually my father said stop smoking before I kill you)

18. Did you lug all of your books around with you?

At Parkway. We didn't have lockers.


19. Best event ever?

The Christmas Talent show. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Rally and of course Live Aid
20. Did you have a clique?
Do geeks have cliques?

21. Where was your Senior Prom at?
University City Sheraton PalmAire Ballroom

22. Did you have a Max like "Saved by the Bell"?
Yeah Lite Bite and Roy Rogers on 9th Street


23. Admit it, were you popular?
I was liked..

24. Who did you want to be just like?
I dunno


25. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A rocker.. and a writer

26. Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?
Definitely settled and writing for a living

27. What was the color of your yearbook?
Scarlet, Silver and White

28. What were the colors of your school?
Scarlet, Silver and White

29. What was your school mascot?
The Hoyas


30. Did you have a teacher that you thought was hot?

I took French classes at Southern on Saturdays. My french teacher wasn't much older than we were. She was a BBW definitely. She was sexy, almost slutty. I was feeling her. Also my 8th grade latin teacher, Ms. Deitch. She was hotsexyslutty, too.

10/4/05

WHAT THE %#%
WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH NICOLAS CAGE??

If you haven't heard, Nicolas Cage and his wife have named their son Kal-El Coppola Cage.

Now I'm not even gonna begrudge him the Coppola (after all that's his real last name and the name of his director uncle, Francis Ford Coppola)

BUT KAL-EL?!?!

He might as well have named him Beat Me Up, Now, Please.

I guess he can hang out with Apple Martin and Maddox Thornton.

Jeez, and someone said something about the potential names for our baby....

9/20/05 PT. 2

September 20, 2005 PT. II
Today was a baby visit day. The baby kept hiding today whenever the doctor would hear the heartbeat. The doctor said things are progressing well. Which is always good. My sleep cycle is all screwy, but I guess it's just good practice for the late nights ahead. 16 weeks down.


Have some strong candidates for names


Jaedon Rijan or Jaron Ahmir for a boy.
JaiLynn Rahyne or Janniyah Rhianne for a girl

9/20/05 Mom Mom

September 20, 2005
Today would have been my grandmother's 85th birthday. She died in the summer of 1990. Just when I was starting to grow into a young man. I'd just come home from school and I spent a lot of time with her. My grandfrather had gotten sick while I was away and my father had also lost a job he'd had for nearly 25 years. F---ing downsizing. She never really told us how sick she was. We were all so concerned with my grandfather and the aggression of his cancer. She was the strongest and bravest person I'd ever known. She was the most straight forward, too. She was my grandmother but she was also my best friend. I still cry when I see her pictures at my mother's house. The day before she died I was supposed to go visit her(I'd just gotten new glasses. I know it seems silly now but I wanted her to see me in them). The Sunday School Picnic was the next day and that had always been a huge family tradition with us. My mother had to go to K-Mart or someplace. I called her and told her I wouldn't see her until the next day and I loved her. We went out to the park and my mother and aunt were going to get her and bring her out. They never made it. She passed away in the ER from cardiac arrest.That was the worst day of my life. When we got to the house I saw my pastor's car. Which wasn't unusual. He was like family to us. But I saw the pastor and then the pastor's wife walk out of the house and I refused to walk inside. My mother and father hurried into the house and I just wanted someone to confirm what I knew. When I got the nerve up I made it to the steps I heard the screams and wails just explode from the house. I never ever felt the same whenever I went to visit my aunt( she actually ended up living with me two years later). During making the arrangements, my mother found she was short a pallbearer and was hesitant about asking me. I said yes without a second thought. I felt like I could be there with her til the last moment. Watch out for her like she did for me so many times in my life. Sometimes I think she still visits me in my dreams. I think she did the night she died. Just to let me know it's all right. I miss her.
Happy Birthday Mom-Mom.

Today (9/14/05)

Today..
I don't know how many of you know this, but I am a huge fan of all music.



Sometimes the lyrics of songs strike me and they stay with me.



I heard this song on the radio at work a few weeks ago and I had to download it of course.



But, I just recently read the lyrics...



I think you'll understand what I mean..







Oh a storm is threat'ning my very life today

If I don't get some shelter

Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away




War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away

War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


See the fire sweepin' out very street today

Burns like a red coal carpet, mad bull lost its way


War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away

War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


Rape! Murder! It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away

Rape! Murder! It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


The floods is threat'ning my very life today.

Gimme, gimme shelter or I'm gonna fade away


War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away


Love, sister, it's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away

It's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away

9/12/05 100 Truths

Entry for September 12, 2005
100 Truths... (borrowed) 9-12-2005 11:48 PM

I posted this on my Blogger six months ago..
Sometimes I need to remind myself. and to allow others into my world..
100 Truths... (borrowed)
1. I am a cusped Capricorn/Aquarian and embody traits of both
2. I have an older brother named Anthony who is in prison
3. My biological father died when I was five
4. My stepfather has been my dad for 31 years and I love him for every day of it.
5. My first 15 minutes of fame were over 3 years ago.
6. I hate being wrong and for anyone to disagree with me.
7. I can be the best friend you want to have or your worst enemy.
8. I will walk away to avoid punching the shit out of you.
9. I'm not afraid to use the word "fat".
10. I'm not as strong as people think I am.
11. I don't eat bananas, peaches, pears or some melons.
12. I want to front a new cover band.
13. I can play the bass guitar, badly.
14. I use the term "nigga" way too much.
15. I like to do grocery shopping at 2 am.
16. I snore.
17. All of my natural grandparents have died.
18. I have butt ugly feet and toenails.
19. I hate disappointing anyone.
20. I am claustrophobic and have anxiety attacks when crowded.
21. I don't think I am attractive.
22. I have more ex-girlfriends than I should.
23. I am addicted to caffeine.
24. I learn words to songs very quickly.
25. Chocolate is the easiest way to butter me up.
26. I would rather read the script before I watch the movie.
27. I want to be a male stripper, just once.
28. On Sunday mornings, I like to have sex. I don't know why. I just do.
29. I miss having hair.
30. I start Christmas shopping way too late.
31. I want to fly a plane.
32. I have cheated in every relationship I have ever had .
33. I've been married once, engaged several times. I lied about being married once.
34. I have an amazing memory when it comes to trivia, music and films.
35. I don't like to cry in front of people.
36. I was molested by an older girl twice in my life.
37. I sometimes wish I never lost my virginity.
38. I've broken both ankles,my right hand and ripped both kneecaps. I've been stabbed once(by my ex-fiancee')
39. I am afraid of losing my mother.
40. I can count the number of "friends" on one hand.
41. I've never been on a cruise.
42. I'm afraid of drowning.
43. I like to sleep on the floor.
44. I've never hunted for anything in my life
45. I'm opinionated.
46. I prefer discussion rather than arguing.
47. I sleep naked.
48. I believe that what you give is what you get back .
49. I can't leave the house without my phone, wallet, keys,MP3 player and bag.
50. Scrabble and Monopoly are my favorite games.
51. Taking care of people comes naturally to me.
52. I hate people sometimes.
53. I'm a manwhore.
54. I learn from some of my mistakes.
55. I don't mind surprises.
56. I love God. I just can't get it right any more.
57. I think common sense and common courtesy should be taught in school.
58. I don't want to die
59. I'm really not as cool or as open as I put myself out to be.
60. I'm addicted to the internet.
61. I believe in the power of love
62. First impressions aren't necessarily lasting impressions.
63. It takes me forever to wake up in the morning.
64. I'm an exhibitionist.
65. I like shopping at Forman Mills.
66. I am actually shy
67. I am a sex addict.
68. I have 4 tattoos.
69. Both of my ears are pierced.
70. I hate being told no
71. I have suffered from drug and alcohol addiction.
72. I have had several threesomes.
73. I procrastinate.
74. I write erotica.
75. I love to sing in the car.
76. I believe that knowledge IS power.
77. I want to wrestle in Japan just once.
78. I'm left-handed.
79. All paper money must face the same direction and be folded with the face inside. High bills to the inside.
80. I am friends with several of my exes.
81. I go to Best Buy to relax.
82. It's hard for me to accept compliments.
83. I have lost three children to miscarriages
84. I don't think abortion is a solution.
85. I think women should never rely on a man to feel complete
86. I want to adopt twin Chinese babies. A boy and a girl.
87. I curse like a drunken Irish sailor.
88. I think marriage shouldn't be a goal and should happen only after you've lived together for two years.
89. I have slept with married women and/or someone else's significant other.
90. I think weed should be legalized. I think prostitution shouldn't
91. I believe in soulmates.
92. I've never lived alone for more than 3 months.
93. I have a secret that I am too ashamed to tell.
94. I am an avid reader.
95. I have gone 2 days maximum without sleep.
96. I'm thinking about liposuction on my love handles
97. I have to thank Michelle for my addicition to collecting shot glasses.
98. I despise hatred, ignorance and intolerance.
99. I love dogs .
100. I love recklessly.

9/1/05

Entry for September 01, 2005

It's the beginning of a new month. I guess I should blow the dust off of this thing and use it before I don't have it to use any more. I like putting how I feel down. It helps me to clear the air.
I am mad at myself for not reading at the last C.A.K.E. party. I wrote a brand new piece, just for the occasion.
KL was there as well as Sheila Nicole. Both are phenomenal writers. I just don't write in that style.
There was another brother who was a self published writer. He read part of his book.
I wanted to take a shower afterwards. I felt raped.
Maybe it's just me. I never felt the need to curse at you to get my point across.
But knowing my "friends" as I do, my poem would have probably been met with cold blank stares and a few polite titters and applause..
I try so hard because I want/need to be accepted. But no one will ever accept "ME".
The Black Crowes have a song called "Good Friday". The chorus begins "I will not forgive, nor will I accept the blame..." I never really thought about what that meant.
Anyone who knows me(intimately..), knows that I've been in some very public romantic situations that were supposed to be private.
I'm never apologizing for the way I feel/felt. Especially for one situation in particular.
I'm not the evil person you have to shudder from when we see one another in public.
I don't dislike you. You shouldn't hate me.
I have tried to reach out to you and all I get is scorn and disdain.
I am trying.
Meet me halfway...

7/7/05

Entry for July 07, 2005

The 11th can't get here soon enough. I have so much to do in this month, it's ridiculous. Once we know what's going on with the baby, I think it will all normalize. I hate closing. It just screws everything up. It'll get better I suppose.

7/4/05

July 04, 2005

My Nanny laughed and cried when I told her yesterday. This will be her 21st great grandchild. My mother's 7th and Jess' mother's 7th. Think I'm gonna nickname the baby Seven.

7/2/05 (repost from 360)

This is the first official post of the new baby blog. We got caught up in the flurry of everything that we didn't bother to take a second pregnancy test. That shook me for a moment, but I dragged myself to Rite Aid after work and I got another EPT. Sure enough, she's definitely pregnant. I'm free to feel the joy and bliss I do. Everything is just falling into place. Divorce papers. The new job. I even saw Gary(my ex drummer from Malachi/Sevenreign) at the bar last night. His new band ROCKS. The fire's still burning for him too. That's awesome. Wonder where the rest of the band is. It'd be great to play just one more show. Something that really ROCKED. Maybe, one day. If God has that in store for us. I'd love to just play again. Maybe I'm really gonna retire now and concentrate on home life. I'm gonna marry that girl of mine.

Till later..

live4love

Friday, February 17, 2006

The Blog So Crazy, It Took Three Days To Write.



Can you think of a time when your Valentine’s Day was ruined?
I can. The story is so incredulous; I had to share it with you all.
1992
I was single. I was living on my own. So, naturally, you could imagine my friends viewed my house as the unofficial frat house. Most of them still lived with their families, so they’d hang out at my house with whomever they were dating at the time. Around this time, I’d gotten uncharacteristically serious with this one girl (one girl, could you imagine) named Anna. I won’t divulge her last name. Out of respect. For all I know she may be reading or maybe one of the fellas on 360 reading may be dating her right now. But if she is reading, once she reads the story she’ll know who I’m talking about. Anyway, back to the story. As I said I was dating pretty seriously. My two best friends, Tony and Greg started dating around the same time. Tony suggested that Anna and I and Greg and his girlfriend all hang out together. I said I’d have to consider it. Naturally, I’d forgotten all about it. I was seriously into planning this grand Valentine’s night for Anna and me. Dinner, flowers, White Grenache (I know it’s a desert wine, but it’s my favorite), candles and a brand new Slow Jams mix tape that I worked on for nearly a week (this was before you could burn a CD from MP3’s. You had to play each song from a SEPARATE CD and time it just right so that no song was cut off). I know it sounds corny but back then that was THE SH*T!!
Anna arrived at my house a little before I got off from work. My dad had an office at my house and he let her in. What I didn’t know (or rather I forgot) was that Tony came by and informed Anna that we’d all be triple dating that night. I called Tony and told him that I’d forgotten about what he’d ask me. I told him I was gonna just stay in.
(Retrospect moment: DUDE! You just came to my house. My GIRLFRIEND WAS THERE! The house looked like it received a makeover from FTD. When I say "I’m just gonna stay in" that means "I’m about to GET BUSY…")
So anyway, back to 1992.
Dinner was great. The wine was flowing. Jodeci and Silk set the mood. The game was afoot and we’re about to re-enact pages 234 through 492 of the Kama Sutra. A massage, a bubble bath and satin sheets. Vanilla candles and Black Love/coconut incense. "Adore", "Scandalous" and "Insatiable" all back to back on one side of a cassette. You get the picture. Fade to black. Lights out. Surrender the pink.
Meanwhile in best friend land, the "triple date" quickly deteriorated to quick visits with girlfriends and a misguided idea.
Back at home, I am THOUROUGHLY enjoying my Valentine’s night. I thought that I’d turned my phone off but in fact I’d only switched off my answering machine. My phone began to ring off the hook. Non-stop. They’d ring the phone 5 times, hang up and call again. They were breaking my concentration (and believe me I was HARD at work).
Then I started hearing knocking on my door. I turned the radio up. I was determined to enjoy my night. The knocking eventually stopped.
Then, as if on cue, the F***ING phone starts ringing again!
In a fit, I leapt up and snatched the phone off of the hook?
"HELLO!?!?!?" "Ron, it’s Miss Lil." (The nosy neighbor/block captain who just happened to live right next door to me all of my life) "Yes, Miss Lil?" " I heard some noises coming from your house. I thought somebody was yelling. Everything OK?" (Translation: I saw that light skinned girl go into the house with the balloons and I haven’t seen her come out for hours, so I put a glass up against the wall to listen for what noises I could hear. Sounds like you’re in there getting busy, so it looked like a job for Captain Cockblock, because I’m just a nosy b***h.) "Yes, Miss Lil, everything is ABSOLUTELY fine." (Translation: Nosy a** b***h, you bustin’ my groove right about now. Can’t you hear the music? I’m trying to get my swerve on!) I hang the phone up and go back to bed. 10 minutes later, there’s knocking on my door. AGAIN.
Now Anna is PISSED! She tells me to go handle this. I’m like "NOW!?!" She tells me she’s gonna leave if I don’t. SO.. I get up out of the bed (and a very difficult position); sporting more wood than a lumberjack and I slip on some shorts and a tank top and answer the door. It’s Tony and Greg. Each carrying a pizza and a six pack. Greg looks at Tony and says; " I told you he was busy!" "What the HELL are you two doing here?" "Tony said you were all by yourself tonight" "Tony, what gave you that idea?" I asked. "When I called you said you didn’t wanna be bothered tonight. I thought you were all alone" "NO! Anna is parked right outside and she’s upstairs waiting for me!" Greg cut Tony another look. Greg asked if he could use the phone before he left. I told him yes. I took the opportunity to grab something to drink. Greg made his phone call we shared a joke and were giggling and I was ushering them out of the door. The next thing I saw was flashing red and blue lights. The cops ran up on my porch, GUNS DRAWN! "EVERYONE ON THE PORCH, HIT THE GROUND, MOTHER#*@%$! HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!" I stood there in shock. He barked the orders again and then I realized he was serious (all of this was in the wake of Rodney King).
(Retrospect moment. One way you DO NOT want to die is shot by a trigger-happy cop in the middle of February with nothing on but some ball shorts and a tank top with a boner harder than 12th grade trigonometry)
After we all complied, "Hoppy & Smitty" (Sanford & Son reference) informed us that a call came from my house reporting a RAPE! I hopped up and said "WHAT?! There’s gotta be a mistake. I can assure you that for the last 2 hours NO ONE was on the phone." Smitty corrected Hoppy and said that the next door neighbor called and said she heard some noises coming from the house next door that sounded like someone was being sexually assaulted. I gritted my teeth and spat. "F**k, Miss Lil."
(Now in the cops’ defense, I knew how this looked. Three guys coming out of a house, laughing and joking, after receiving a rape call. I know how serious that could appear. But for the sake of the story and the sake of humor, I’ll shy away from the seriousness. This is a FUNNY story)
I tried to explain what happened to Hoppy, but he had a bead drawn on me and was not letting up. (after all, remember, I had the least clothing)
Greg stood up slowly and began to reason with Smitty. He explained how they showed up unexpectedly and unannounced and they had only been there for a few minutes. Greg also told him that Anna was my girlfriend and they interrupted our evening . Smitty got the picture and said; "Damn, ya’ll busted your boy’s groove, that’s f’ed up"
By this time Anna heard all of the commotion and ventured to see what was wrong. She’d wrapped herself in my satin comforter and peered down the stairs. She saw Hoppy, gun still pointed at me and started screaming " WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOYFRIEND?"
Hoppy looks into the house and says "everything ok ma’am?"
Anna says yes. He asks again as if she’s lying. She says yes again.
FINALLY, he puts his gun away. Hoppy and Smitty leave the porch laughing. Tony leaves directly after them. By this time a small crowd (i.e. my entire block) has gathered at my steps. Realizing all of the attention that we’ve attracted, Anna gets ANGRY. Like I planned for it to work out this way. She gets dressed in like 10 seconds flat. She gathers all of the gifts I gave her and storms out of the door and goes to her car. She starts yelling about how I always let my friends ruin our time together (a whole other blog). I stand there dumbfounded. She drives off. I turn to walk into the house and then I realize…
SHE SLAMMED THE DOOR on the way out. I had on basketball shorts and a tank top. No keys. I’m locked out.
I yell, channeling Charlie Brown, AUUUUUGGGHHH!!!!
I sit on the bench on my porch. The little ghetto urchins on my block started to laugh and sing and do a dance, mocking me.
I mumble "f***ing perfect…"
Then my front door swings open.
Greg was still in the house. I’d forgotten.
I went inside. I got changed. About 20 minutes later, my phone rings. It was Anna. I just knew she was halfway back to the suburbs. She told she’d been driving in circles. We talked. She came back. We ended up at Pizza Hut. She spent the night. Turned out to be a good night after all.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

At The End Of The Year:2005 - Looking Back, Looking Forward & Letting Go


The end of the year is fast approaching and a whole new year is dawning. A fresh 365 days to start all over again. 525,600 more minutes to either live in or let pass you by. To say 2005 was tumultuous would be an understatement. Both personally and as a member of the human race. We lost a Pope. Almost lost New Orleans. The Eagles lost the Super Bowl and later in the year, they lost their stranglehold on the NFC East. The death toll in the Iraq War skyrocketed. Terror reared it's ugly head yet again. Politics were shaken at their very core. Eddie Guererro passed away. My personal tragedies and disappointments seemed insurmountable. I lost very good friends. Selfishly, I believed it was long before their time.

Still, there were shining moments in the last year, too. The White Sox broke the Curse of The Black Sox and won the World Series. Jamie Foxx won the Best Actor Oscar for his stunning portrayal of Ray Charles. Cardinal John Ratzinger ascended the Papacy and became Pope Bendict XVI.

Personally, I had some standout moments as well. My 35th birthday party was a classic. I rediscovered some lost friendships and established new ones. I also eliminated some of the toxic ones. I know it may not seem like it would fit into this category. But self preservation has become a priority for me. It took a good friend to make me realize that and I am forever grateful..I decided to take a step for my future and became a Supervisor in the USPS. My pet project, American Championship Pro Wrestling, took shape and began to flourish. I found out that I'm going to become a father for the third time and I truly discovered what real love is.

I want to take time out right now and thank God for every moment I lived and experienced in 2005. Without any of it there wouldn't be a journey and life is all about the journey.

This year for Christmas I received a great gift. One of my best friends gave me a video camera. It was so totally unexpected. She gave it to me in order that I might capture the important moments of my daughter's birth and first year of life. Naturally, I was overwhelmed by such a gift. I felt like I hadn't done a thing to deserve it. It's been fun tinkering about with the camera, learning all of the ins and out and what have you. But the other night I thought to myself; "What if I'd had a camera to capture the moments of my life involving the friends, family and others that I'd lost. Not just recently, but through the years. Would I be able to preserve and cherish those moments after the fact or would they just be painful reminders of the past?" I'd like to think the former. I'm gonna miss the people I lost this year. Kim and I had so much in common. Sometimes I wanna just pick up the phone and say "hey, guess what?", but I can't any more. And that just sucks. I have emails that I refuse to delete, because I feel like that's letting go. I'm not sure if I wanna let go just yet, or at all. I didn't know Phyllis as well as I'd have liked to, but Philly Bash really won't be the same without her this year. I miss my grandmother and I always will. I'd have loved to have her words on camera. Her wisdom spoke volumes beyond my understanding. I'm getting it now, Mom Mom.

I pray that each of the memories I capture from this point on will help me to heal for the losses I experienced this year and help me to live and love stronger. I guess if you have the memories, you never really lose that person or the feelings you've experienced. You never truly, totally let go.

So to each of you, enjoy your life. Cherish the memories. Live strong. Love stronger. Remember the journey. Because it's ALL about the journey.

ONE LOVE ALWAYS,

Ron