9/1/05

Entry for September 01, 2005

It's the beginning of a new month. I guess I should blow the dust off of this thing and use it before I don't have it to use any more. I like putting how I feel down. It helps me to clear the air.
I am mad at myself for not reading at the last C.A.K.E. party. I wrote a brand new piece, just for the occasion.
KL was there as well as Sheila Nicole. Both are phenomenal writers. I just don't write in that style.
There was another brother who was a self published writer. He read part of his book.
I wanted to take a shower afterwards. I felt raped.
Maybe it's just me. I never felt the need to curse at you to get my point across.
But knowing my "friends" as I do, my poem would have probably been met with cold blank stares and a few polite titters and applause..
I try so hard because I want/need to be accepted. But no one will ever accept "ME".
The Black Crowes have a song called "Good Friday". The chorus begins "I will not forgive, nor will I accept the blame..." I never really thought about what that meant.
Anyone who knows me(intimately..), knows that I've been in some very public romantic situations that were supposed to be private.
I'm never apologizing for the way I feel/felt. Especially for one situation in particular.
I'm not the evil person you have to shudder from when we see one another in public.
I don't dislike you. You shouldn't hate me.
I have tried to reach out to you and all I get is scorn and disdain.
I am trying.
Meet me halfway...